Last year, while working at a humanitarian storytelling agency in Brooklyn, I became passionate about sharing people’s stories. From working on footage of refugee camps in Burma, to editing videos promoting girls education for the Malala Fund, and working on call-to-action for the World Food Program, I learned that there is power in sharing you story.
Everyone has a story…rich or poor; black, white, or anywhere on the spectrum of the rainbow; from across the ends of the Earth. We are more alike than we are different. We are all part of a great Plan, even when it may not seem like it. Share you story, because someone needs to hear it.
Here’s my story (thus far):
I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for two years (despite what most people believe, men are also victims and most times, they suffer in silence as I did). I became a different person…I did things I never thought I would…I lied when it in was in my own best interest because I believed it was for the good of the relationship. I felt trapped in a very dark and scary place. To cope, I rationalized my actions, claiming I was fighting for our love. However, in doing so, I hurt a lot of people…I hurt everyone who tried to help me.
Despite the pain and conflicting thoughts and feelings I felt on a daily basis, my behavior was inexcusable. Many people have asked me, “Why did you stay?”, “Why didn’t you try to stop it?” I wish I had a good answer, but the only answer I can offer is: “Love.”
I guess I wanted to believe everything was normal. I rationalized all the bad and instead, believed the lies. But after taking time to process things…after a year of much-appreciated counseling (for which I am so grateful), I realize that love is not always enough. Love can’t cover the bruises on my body and the scars on my heart. And most of all (as sad as I am to realize this), I know that love from an abuser isn’t love at all.
No one CHOOSES to enter into an abusive relationship. It just kind of creeps up on you, little by little, until one day you find yourself where I was – trapped, confused, and scared.
To you: fight for your life. Don’t let anyone call you names and ridicule you on a daily basis. Don’t let anyone demand you end relationships with your friends. Don’t let anyone insult your family and those you love. Don’t let anyone physically abuse you. Don’t let anyone influence you to become someone you no longer respect. Listen to the advice from loved ones. Speak up. Take action. Don’t watch yourself slip away. Stay true to who you are. A loving relationship with someone should make you a better person, not a different person.
In my recovery, I’ve learned that I am not alone. You are not alone either. I’m sure there is someone you can talk to. Take a step to open up and let them in. Tell them your story. Don’t be ashamed. I used to constantly worry about how sharing my story would affect my image, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. Because this isn’t only my story…it’s also the story of thousands of others.
I NEED to speak for those who cannot. I NEED to make a difference. My weakness may be a thorn in my side, but I intend to use it to help others. You don’t have to feel sorry for me – I know I contributed to the problem by staying in the relationship at the expense of everything and everyone. I lost friends…I lost the trust of others…I’m reaping the consequences of my decision and will be for some time. But I am also on my way to being a better person in spite of it.
Use your voice. If you are ever on the receiving end of a constant onslaught of verbal assaults and made to feel less than, or if your partner offers a slap to the face rather than a helping hand, speak up! Don’t be afraid to confront them, because ultimately, you can be saving someone’s life…maybe even your own. You may even be helping your partner realize they suffer from a condition that needs qualified professional help.
Please, speak up. Accept the support of others.
What’s your story?
