The day of Training Camp: July 6th, 2017. I had spent the night in Georgia, and had become acquainted with many of my Squad Members. It was a fun night; all of us had a great time. It was cool to finally meet some of these people.
I slept terribly, however. Throughout the day, I hadn’t had enough water. Now, here I was, attempting to sleep in what seemed to be an inescapable sauna. I was drenched (and so was the stuff that I had to use to sleep in for the next 11 days!) in sweat. To make things worse, rapid loss of water in my body caused me to become very dehydrated. Sleep was a lost cause.
Instead of sleeping, I laid there in thought. Training Camp started in less than 12 hours! That was exciting! But then I realized… Training Camp started in less than 12 hours…
This feeling came over me, a feeling of dread. “What have I gotten myself into?!!!” I thought. Training Camp is essentially when you commit to the Race, and I was so close. Can I really do this?
First off, meeting 30-something new people all for the first time would be stressful. I am not the greatest at starting conversations with new individuals. I am very introverted in that aspect. I started contemplating this task, and it was driving me insane. “I can’t possibly do this!”
Then I started to think about the Race itself. “So I signed up to leave my home, my place of comfort, to travel to places I don’t know much about with people I barely know? Genius. Absolute genius!” The risks and dangers of actually taking on this adventure consumed my mind. And that’s when it came to me. “I am not doing the World Race.”
That morning, when everyone awoke, there was a very excited tone among the group. I mean, Training Camp was about to begin, YAY! (oh no!) I sat off to the side, dehydrated and beaten by my thoughts. I felt awful and foolish for what I got myself into. Why did I think I could do this in the first place? I contemplated ways I could get out of this. “Would Dad understand how bad a feel today, and perhaps invite me home if I call? (He didn’t)” “Could I be too sick to even sign in for Training Camp? (I wasn’t)” I was wearing myself down with all of these negative thoughts. I allowed fear to consume me.
I didn’t tell anyone what I was thinking, but they were all so nice. There was so much positive energy pulsing through the group. After some though, I decided couldn’t possibly leave these people, at least not yet. I had to at least go through Training Camp Registration. I’d see how I felt later.
Before heading off to camp, the whole group stopped at an IHOP. This is how sick I felt: I could barely finish half a plate of French Toast, a meal I could’ve topped off in about 5 seconds any other day. I was so unsure of myself. “Am I prepared for this? Emotionally? Physically? Certainly not spiritually.” But none of that mattered right now because we quickly payed our checks, and left for AIM’s (Adventure in Missions) campus.
Upon arrival, we were greeted by tons of energetic, enthusiastic staff members. The environment was incredible! There was something moving through everyone, including myself, at this camp. I couldn’t identify it then, but later that evening, during Worship, I found that it was the energy of the spirit moving throughout everyone.
After checking in, I was taken to my campsite. People, tents, bags… stuff was everywhere. Everyone was greeting each other, introducing themselves, putting themselves out there. It was amazing to see how people who only knew others from text messages, were so quick to spread their love and kindness, immediately making friends. But I still felt stressed.
I looked around, trying to figure out where to even start when I heard “MATTTTTT!” One of the girls on my squad ran up to me and hugged me. “It’s so great to finally meet you!” she said. “Huh,” I thought. “I guess these people don’t bite after all!”
The burden of meeting and socializing with these new people was immediately lifted off of me. Everyone was so kind, and it was so easy to get to meet everyone. The fear and stress I had built up in myself the night before could have held me back from doing this amazing thing, and meeting these amazing people. Yet here I was, happy, and socializing with so many new people as if it wasn’t a fear that I had 30 seconds ago!
I still felt fearful about the trip itself though. It was very scary to me. I had no idea what to expect.
A few nights into camp, we were tasked with writing a sermon. We were given a structure, but nothing else. “Figure out what you want to preach on, pray, find the passage. See how God speaks through you.” So as we sat down, I picked a focus point: Forgiveness. How can you go wrong with Forgiveness? I prayed and then started going through my Bible. Now, the Bible is FULL of passages on forgiveness! Tons of Jesus’ teachings in the New Testament are about forgiveness. But I blanked. I couldn’t think of, or even find, a single verse on forgiveness. Thirty minutes passed and I had nothing.
I looked up, closed my eyes and said “God, I am going to open up this Bible and place my finger on a verse. I know that is the verse you want me to read, and that is the verse you want me to write about.” So I did exactly that. Opened the Bible to a random spot, spun my finger in a small circle, and landed it on a verse. I could not believe the message that God showed me. I realized that Forgiveness was what I wanted to preach, not what God wanted me to preach! The message I found was a message that I didn’t understand; it was a message that God needed me to read.
“…Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. (Isaiah 43:1-2)”
WOW! I had to read it again and again and again. This was truly God speaking! God knew that within me, I held onto fear. Fear for my safety; fear of what lies ahead. But this was confirmation that I was in the right place!
“I have called you by name, you are mine.”
God called me to this place. He called me to the World Race itself! How could I believe for a second that God would let something bad happen to me? When has God steered me wrong?
This message is revisited in the book of Matthew.
“[Jesus] said ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’ (Matthew 14:29-31)”
Peter only faltered when he began to fear. He saw the waters raging beneath him, and became doubtful of his safety. He didn’t trust that Jesus could protect him. But when he slipped, Jesus grabbed him and pulled him back up; he never had reason to fear.
Fear holds us back. It messes with us, confuses us, and stops us from doing things. Now, in a lot of situations, fear is very acceptable. It may stop us from doing something dumb, like jumping off a cliff!
Okay, so maybe I don’t heed my own advice sometimes. But anyways, God has us. He directs us, and keeps us safe. Fact of the matter is, God is always beside us. He never leaves us. If we stay on the path that He has laid out for us, if we trust in Him and follow our callings, He will protect us. That’s not to say He won’t challenge us every once and a while, but rather He will help us through those challenges. Trust me, I think we’re in pretty good hands.
God showed me that fear was driving me away from his plan for me, and He helped me through it. He showed me the way, and illuminated the path before me. He helped me realize that my fear was irrational. I am putting my life in His hands for the next 9 Months, and you know what? I couldn’t feel safer!
***FUNDRAISING UPDATE***
I am currently still fundraising for the World Race! In order to Launch with my group, I need to have $10,000 in my fundraising account by August 20th. Right now, I am sitting at $6,670. You can donate on this page by clicking on the fundraising bar at the top! I cannot thank you all enough! I am humbled by the support that I have received from everyone! Thank you so much for reading this and have a blessed day!
