It can be so easy sometimes to think of what I could be doing if I was not on the Race. It has always been that way for me. “If I was not in school right now, I could be at the pool” or “If my sister’s school did not schedule their musical on the same day as the Superbowl, I would not be late for the party and miss the first quarter.” Sometimes, life in the moment can be frustrating. It can cause a lot of “Why did I do this?” or “Why is this happening?” kind of questions to arise. It always seems like there is something better we could be doing, something so much more exciting or fun. I will be honest, there have been a few times on the Race where these questions have come up. “If I was not halfway across the world, I could be hanging out with my friends back home right now.” But why do these thoughts arise? Why is it so hard to live in the moment sometimes and just enjoy what God has provided?
My Squad Mentor, Kate, sends us questions every week so that we can give her insight into our lives on the Race. Using the answers she receives, she is able to pray over us in a very intentional way. In one of the sets of questions she sent to us, she asked, “Are you living the life you want to be living right now?” The very simple answer is, “Yes, I am living the life I want to be living right now.” That is what I wrote. But then I sat there and thought about it for a second, and added to my answer. “Yes, I am living the life I want to be living right now because…” The actual answer is so much more than just Yes. This is why I am living the life I want to be living.
Ever since I started looking at High Schools, I knew that I would be going into college right away. I knew that my life was going to be a straight path, normal in the eyes of society. That is all I really knew – Middle School, High School and then straight to college. That is what all my middle school teachers told me, and that is what many of my High School teachers told me as well. I even remember being told, in Eighth Grade, that “the minute you walk in the doors of High School, colleges have their eyes on you.” I mean, in a sense, they were not wrong in saying that; colleges do look at all of us as we get ready to apply. But all that just went to shape my perception of the future. There was nothing else but college ahead. Gap Year was not even a defined term in my mind. Is Gap Year a thing?
So with my perception of the straight line, came my perception of what college would be like. Study a little, party every night, have relationships and act irresponsibly. It all seemed so enticing, and I looked forward to it so much. It was the thing of the future for me. But, I have not gone to college. I am yet to experience it. I do plan to, but I do not look forward to the same things anymore.
I was always told that the ages of 16 to about 25 are the most fragile, most vulnerable years of a person’s life. Those are the years that help them define themselves, and college is thrown right into the middle of that. A lot of people that go into college are very disciplined. They have a plan for themselves, know their boundaries and do relatively well. But, had I went straight to college, who knows what would have happened? Given my performance in High School was lackluster, I cannot imagine I would have done any better in a more rigorous environment. Plus, on top of my lack of focus, I was obsessed with the thought of all the things I now recognize as inappropriate and irresponsible.
What the World Race has allowed me to do is something really spectacular. I have been able to learn about myself, to define myself, without many of the temptations that come with college. God brought me here for a reason, and I believe He was saving me from the damage I could have inflicted upon myself had I went on the “straight line” path.
The greatest thing about the World Race, though, is it is still “normal” life, in a sense. Conflict amongst people occasionally arises, I grow bored, I lose focus, I study (the Bible), I face internal struggles, I build relationships, hang out with friends and have a good time. I am living out life in a way that could be considered strikingly similar to what life would be like at home. I have days that are really amazing; this makes up the majority of my days on the Race. But there are also days here that are just not great. There are days where I really struggle. But instead of turning to something else to comfort me, I have learned to focus on God. I have learned to place dependence in Him. That, I know for sure, is not something I did at home, and certainly is not something I would have gained had I kept on that straight line path.
So through all of this breakdown and analysis of where I was, and where I am now, I was able to come to this final answer: Yes, I am living the life I want to be living because it is helping me define myself as a Child of God, without all the vices or temptations that may have presented themselves to me during the college years.
I am thankful that God protected me. He saved me from so much pain and damage. He took me, broke me down, and is now rebuilding me to better reflect what He wants from me. God is using these 9 months that I am away to help me find myself, to help me define my future. And I am certain that I am so much better off for it.
