I brought a journal with me on the Race, and I have an entry for every single day I have been on the field. Now, sometimes days go by when I do not journal, but I always catch up. Recently, I was catching myself up when I realized how dull and boring my reflections of each day were. Now, while in the day itself, it was fun and interesting. But reflecting on it, writing of the day’s events, has been so dull. I found myself writing very little for each day, feeling as though nothing I did was worth noting. I have even been struggling with blogging, which was something I enjoyed so much just a little while ago.
It is now that I realize what the issue is. I have not been beginning and ending each day with God.
I wake up every morning and immediately walk out of my room to eat breakfast and interact with the people around me. This has been my custom the whole Race. Never do I even say, “Thank you God for giving me another day.” It could be that simple. All I have to do is invite God into my day. But I have not done that. I have made it seem as though the day is about me, not God. Every day should be seen as another opportunity to bring about glory to the Father. And if I cannot recognize that, then what is my day for? Self glorification?
I am a body. A living body. And within this body resides the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit should be pouring out of me, operating and inspiring my every move, my every action. But if I suppress it, if I fail to even acknowledge the presence of the Spirit within me, how can it pour out of me? How can it operate? How could the Spirit inspire my actions in the way that glorifies the Father, if the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit are ignored? Obviously I am failing to listen to it if I fail to even thank it for residing in me.
Many of my journal entries have consisted of the very basic going-ons of my day. “Today I planted basil in the greenhouse,” or “Today I worked in a cafe.” Great, it is a memory for the books. But what else happened? What else contributed to the happenings of my day? In other words, how did God work within me?
I need to be more concerned about what God is doing within me every single day. I need to welcome His presence into me. For if I fail to do that, my days will be long and dull. They will have no meaning beyond the literal going-ons of the day.
I have had a lot of time to reflect on my time in the Dominican Republic; I left nearly two months ago. And, looking back, the memories are not as fond. I loved the people I was with, and I do have good memories from being there, but it was rough. Internally more than externally, but it was a tough month. Through reflection, I have found that my lack of enjoyment was due to my lack of focus on God.
There were many occasions in the Dominican Republic where people talked about how we cannot expect the Race to change us. We have to work for a deeper relationship with God. It will not just happen. And every time I heard that, I thought to myself, “Well I know that. That is not me. I know I have to work hard to reach a deeper level relationship with the Lord.” But, as I have realized now, I do not think I understood that as well as I thought. Because I was not focused. Not at all. No discipline, no desire, no focus. It was not there. I have seen how someone could be on the Race and come away from it unchanged. I was that someone for a long time.
What I have realized now is the World Race is a tool. It is like a hammer. And sitting on a block of wood is a nail, which could be otherwise known as a relationship with God. Now, I am on the Race right now, so I have already picked up the hammer. But, for a while I was just swinging it around, waving it back and forth. But what point does that serve? Doing that does nothing. I have the tool in my hands, and I need to use it to hit the nail in. I need to utilize its full potential. There will be sometimes where I swing and completely miss the mark. But the nail will still be there, waiting to be hit.
In building my relationship with God, I have to take advantage of the tool given to me. I have to try with all my might and being to get closer to God. And yes, I will miss the mark sometimes. But God is always waiting. God is always extending His hand and saying “Come my child.” If I put that effort in, if I truly try to build upon that relationship with the Lord, I will flourish. My days with be filled with excitement and joy because God will be working wonders all throughout me.
I am sorry I did not realize this before. But God is still waiting for me. So I have to stop waving that hammer around and hit the nail on the head.
