How long, Oh Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, oh my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
amd my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he is good to me.
– David (Psalm 13)
So here I am here in Phenom Penh, Cambodia. I’m sorry for the delay as I have not posted anything in the last while. Since leaving Vietnam on the 18th I have been in a whirlwind of sorts. Even though expereincing the amazing things that Vietnam is, it has taken me a while to process. Many things captured and broke my heart at the same time. When we think about the country of Vietnam, we think about war. But being in Saigon has changed my perspective on the whole aspect of suffering and oppression. Yes America inflicted alot of physical damage and destruction, but the ruling governement has added to that by it’s way of “doing things”. Communism is a system so complex and hard to understand but can be summed up as Satan’s work. It is so obvious to me. There is absomutely NO FRUIT in communism. And why are Christians such a threat to it? Because following Jesus is the number one opposing way to live. To live FREE! Communism wants you to be controlled! This blog isn’t about communism, so I’ll stop right there with that.
And so, I’ve been in Cambodia for 2 weeks now. Again it has been rough to learn about this nation as well! Many Americans have never heard about the Kymer Rouge and the genocides happening here during the Vietnam War years. One third of the country’s population was wiped out by it’s own government! I visited a couple of major sites walking the edges of mass graves, seeing school rooms used for torture chambers, and talking with people who have direct ties to immediate family members killed in those years. Every person in this country has had some family member killed by the infamous Kymer Rouge regime led by Pol Pot.
My heart has been heavy these days. Many nights I can’t sleep. I have a hard time hearing God. I have a difficult time loving those closest to me as I seem to not have much patience. The spiritual climate here is much different than what I had expereinced before. Even through many rough things I felt in Thailand, this again is different. An underlying fear and discomfort of things around me. I have felt confused, and lost. I can’t concentrate on much. I have a hard time focusing on the TRUTH. I let these feelings of anger, and disgust of south east Asia’s tribulations overtake my heart’s joy and love for the people. I am confused with the many emotions I feel. It’s just a whirlwind!!
So today I cried out! I got on my face and gried for FREEDOM once again. I’m not going to let fear control me. The only thing I fear is the Lord. I fear his majestic power and might. I fear his strength. That’s because I know he loves me. He wants to protect me. He wants me to be safe. And he knows that I have to choose Him. And I have! I can’t fight this battle on my own. All year I’have continued to fight until I have nothing left. I know the battle isn’t about flesh and blood, so why do I continue to burn out? I know I can’t fight without Christ by my side. I need Jesus in my life.
So as a broken hearted servant, here I am writing once again about life on the Race. It’s been tough these past 2 weeks. The trip is almost over….at least that’s what satan wants me to say. And I’m not about to give him that. This moment is about LIFE. A new day is here. A new turn in the battle of heart. I choose to pursue my KING. Jesus is here. He is RISEN, and he is ALIVE! So here we go. The battle rages on…
