The silence is what kills me…I still hear the laughter of Peruvian children, the cries of Burmese refugees, and the questions of Vietnamese youth. I found myself driving last night through a windy snow screen and my heart went into some kind of flashback…or reality of longing. It seems like everything that has happened this year is coming forefront in my mind and heart. Obviously this expereince isn’t just for me. But to everyone who opens their heart and ears toward the lessons learned. My life isn’t about me! And the message I have definitely isn’t about me!
I’m thankful that God has given me an outlet to talk, and verbally process. I’m learning that there just aren’t words to explain my journey to it’s fullest. How can you truly understand me if I tell you that legs grew, malaria was healed, and demons were cast out unless you trusted and believed me? If I wanted a great story, I could tell you many things…like, how I walked on water?!..okay, it was ice! Anyway;
This life I have lived was about me! I applied and worked for a job that I thought I could do. I picked my friends and made that my community. I chose which church I wanted to go to which was good for me. And I worried about money because I had to fund the things I wanted to do. What a selfish person, eh? I even worked in ministry positions for more “expereince” and “status” for later ministry jobs…looking back I can’t believe I thought that! I limited God!
If the Lord can truly do anything, he can take me and mould me into what He needs. The crazy thing is that he always has, and I was to naive to see it. I tried so hard to make things work instead of dream big and step in faith. I stepped into the race with constant worry at the back of my mind about finances. I worried about the months ahead, when I was to invest in the here and now. To live a day at a time, not look for something greater and better than the present. I missed the blessings right in front of me!
The Lord doesn’t need me to do anything to further His kingdom. He IS the beginning and the end. I’m just a mere speck in the expanse of the universe. But yet, he chooses to use ME! Why? The most ridicualous thing imaginable if I use my intellect!
We need to open up our minds…..if it’s true that God doesn’t need us, than why follow him?
Because of LOVE! He loves us and wants us to know that life without him is an incomplete life! Look at why he created us: To praise Him. To worship Him. To choose Him above all else! And so, if he knew me by name before I was born, and he has a plan for me, than I must be pretty important wouldn’t ya think?! So then why does it seem so stressful to live when I try to control everything? Because when it’s all taken away, I realize how small I actually am.
So, as I stand here one year after committing to this thing, I learned that life isn’t about me in the first place. And because it isn’t about me, that’s where God’s work truly gets done through me. I have been reconciled back to my maker even though I sin moment by moment. And because God loves me so much, and wants me in His presence, he sent Christ. What’s the point of sending a saviour if life wasn’t about a relationship with God himself?! He created us in HIS image, to become children of light. But we can’t be light if we live in darkness. We need to follow and live like the Light of the World; Jesus himself.
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m thankful for the opportunity to share this story in my heart. thats testimony is of Christ and his mighty work in my life. I strive to live on the bread of life and drink of the living waters that only Jesus can offer. That in turn has provided me with Tim Horton’s coffee, Starbucks, McDonald’s, homemade cookies, turkey dinner, soups and salads, and tap water. God is good and only because of His grace and providence I am here to share this with you!
I’m not about to let silence shut me out. I’ve got something to say, so I’m going to say it! I have a longing in my heart and I’m going to run after it. I have a spirit of adventure so I’m going to lead. And I have an understanding of discernement, so I’m going to listen…it’s only because I realize that nothing is about me that I am open and passionate to offer these things as a service to my call as a minister of reconciliation, an ambassador, and a true warrior Son of God!!
