In the past 11 weeks, I feel as though I have grown up
another 5 years. A reflection of my life would show a gradual
pattern of maturing and growth in year-long increments ever since I stepped out
those high school doors 7 years ago. The past 7 years have been the wild and
incredible journey it was only because I was on a search. I was searching for
something that my heart was craving. When I graduated I had “the
job”. I had a life figured out for what a 19 year-old would see as a
stable life. But then again as most 19 year olds, I had no idea what I really
wanted. I had the door so wide open that I ran
into it, soon realizing the trap that it really was.
At age 19 I saw what
a life of complacency was. It only took me 6 months to realize that even though
I didn’t know what there is to know about life, I could easily get by and live
a great life. The only thing that would be attractive in that scenario for me
would be that I had control! As I looked at my life: just graduated from high
school, had a plan for life, and was in a controlled and comfortable
lifestyle….I saw something missing! That missing link was that I still wasn’t
satisfied. The deep and intimate yearnings in my
heart and soul were crying out, saying that there is something more. And so,
for the next 5 years I would be battling those feelings and longings.
Once I set out from my job on my first personal pilgrimage
through a local discipleship/missions program, I realized my yearning was to
find my purpose in this life! I knew that God had a purpose for me. He had a
plan for me. I took his word in Jeremiah to heart! It made sense why
complacency was not a question for me. To be
honest I still don’t understand the whole change that happened that one day at
work when I realized I needed an adventure! I was just ready for something new,
exciting, and personal. All my life I have felt that pressure to settle
down and live life. Maybe it was some sort of unconsiousrebellion or something,
I don’t know.
I’ve been alot of places, met alot of people, and
experienced alot of amazing things. I have
seemed to go to the other end of the spectrum since that day. I’ve been living
out of a backpack. Have very little financial freedom. And seem to be a
guy doing great things that a God that the North American
Church would be proud of.
Being a man on a pursuit, my life has looked quite different from most people
I’ve met in my life’s journey. “Stable” and “solid
Christians” get their training and settle in wherever it is that their
“call” happens to be. They then live their life. They’re content and
living happily. And so, the past 5 years have
been a wrecking to my heart as that’s the message I’ve been told over and over
again…“why don’t you settle
down?” “Haven’t you found your calling yet?!”
These questions have taken
such a toll on me. Many lies have rooted from them….Why am I so uncommited? Why don’t I ‘get it’ like everyone else? Why am
I so unsettled when everyone else is so content where they are?
In the past 3 months here at the G42 Leadership Academy, I have
finally found what I’ve been looking for! I have found the peace
that my heart has been desiring. My life is all starting to make sense now!
I’ve continually gone through the stages of being “a new man”, but this is
something much deeper as my mind has finally caught up to my heart now!!
God has revealed to me the grand scale, big picture!
As I look at the picture I see how simple it actually is.
Yet, in it’s simplicity there is something so grand in it. There is a big part of the story that is just for ME!
I get it now. The exciting thing is that you may have a slice of it as well if
you choose to!
In the next while,
I’ll be posting some blogs on the things that this picture is. I believe that
if you search hard enough, you will see what the Lord has in store for YOU!
This is my story and walk. Please take it for what it’s worth. You will be
blessed! That is because I’m blessed your story of searching…that’s all God
wants; His children searching out His heart. In that journey maybe your mind will
catch up with your heart as well!!
