Life has always been good. It’s been fun, adventurous, and I would honestly say pretty easy. Alot of people ask me why I enjoy everything so much and why everything is so good in my life. I mean, both my parents are together, no-one close to me has died, I haven’t had a heart breaking relationship, I’m not a drug addict, I’ve had absolutely no problems getting jobs, I enjoy the work I do, I have no regrets, and the list goes on.
I have relationships with alot of people, alot of broken people. I’ve grown up with friends who have had only one parent, had addictions, been suicidal, and even hated God. My relationships stretch from my home town to the small country of Guatemala and all the places in between. I’ve followed God to places in which I believe he has called me. So these friendships come from growing up, work, 3 different colleges, missions programs, camp ministry, my youth ministry, and my hometown.
My heart has always been hurting for others in the situations they are in. Mostly because I haven’t experienced what they are going through in a material and worldly sense. I’ve spent time serving on the streets in Vancouver and Toronto, I have walked through a garbage dump in Guatemala and hung out with the people living there, and I have lead many young kids on their first canoe trips in Manitoba wilderness. I’ve heard so many stories of abuse, addictions, frustrations, hatred, and even dispair. In a nutshell, I’ve seen people’s hearts broken…..
So why am I sharing all of this?
Among the wonders and joys I see in my life, I too am broken hearted. I’m not so much broken in a material or physical way but rather at a relational and emotional level. My core being aches and is frustrated. As people ask me how things are so good in my life, I always have an amazing way to word things. I give the credit to my personality, the blessings from God, and a simple lifestyle. The truth is that I care what others think of me. I care what kind of image I represent. In the next few blogs I’m going to open up and reveal some of the brokeness as a testimony of who I am and why I’m doing this race. This may honestly shock some people and confirm things for others. None the less this me being obedient to what the Lord has in store for my heart. I hope you don’t see me as soome sort of ranting but rather have a true picture of who Matt Peters is!
Confessions of a Broken Heart:
In the 23 years I have known this world I have always been apprehensive about many things. It’s about being comfortable. I think things through. If it’s harmful I hesitate or walk away and if it’s beneficial I go for it! Heck, I’ll paddle a whitewater river in an open canoe, but I won’t say Jesus loves you to some stranger in front of some of my friends. Sharing my faith in Christ is one of the biggest things I’ve struggled with. In contexts like church or camp, I go for it. It’s the reason I’m there! It’s my responsibility! But when everyday life happens and things are good, I tend to fall of the “stand up for what I believe” radar. I don’t ignore the truths that I hold on to nor I press them when I should. I just accept things for what they are. It’s like the being caught in the middle idea. It’s not the people I hang out with, but rather me holding part of my heart for myself. Holding it for my pride, my agenda, my image. Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”
One example is that I’ve stayed to finish too many movies that I know I should have walked away from. And when I did walk away I made up the excuse that I had work to do! This is exactly what the enemy wants. He wants us to feel like we’re missing out or that we have to do these things to fit in! I hate that feeling. I need to be involved. Sure I get excited and pumped up when I’m leading devotionals with campers, or planning my youth events, and even sharing about this mission trip. It’s comfortable. Yet I hold so much back when someone or myself says or does something I don’t agree with. I let those things get to me. I understand that there is a time for rebuke, and a time of humilty for me as I accept others for who they are, what they do, and for me to live a more obedient lifestyle. I get defensive when I should be humbled and I get oppresive when I should be accepting.
I try to fit into this mould of what others’ view of Christianity is. I’ve been sucked into the religion of it all. I’m trying to break into the relationship. Not a twisted one sided “gimme” relationship but a whole hearted marriage with my creator. I want to have that intimacy that David had with God, I want to have that obedience that the Disciples had, I want to be fearless and bold like Paul, I want to serve and share as Jesus did and calls us to do! I have learned the hard way that I can’t do this with only part of my heart. I want this and it seems so hard but at the same time so attainable! Why don’t I stand up? Why am I so afraid? What’s holding me back?
This has been burning on my heart for a very long time. I got excited when I found out that I was going on the World Race. I could leave all these things behind, and deal with them later. People would see my transformation and they could then understand why I have changed. I was essentially going to passively be aggressive of this. In reality……. I WAS GOING TO RUN AWAY!! I’m not about to run. I’m ready to stand up! There is alot more to me than a fun, energetic, and have it all together life. My heart aches with passion to follow God and share the Good News. I love each person I come into contact with. I enjoy being in company with fellow Christians. I can’t stand being restrictive of the world’s time. I’m always dreaming and listening for ways to use my passions, gifts, and skills to serve God. I follow the Holy Spirit’s leading in my private worship times. I see God. He speaks to me. I listen. And sometimes I’m just in the presence of the Spirit of Peace. When I worship my God I’m facedown in repentance, my hands lifted in praise, and I’m dancing with joy and peace in my heart!
With a God that big, doesn’t it make sense to share Him? Doesn’t it make sense to shout from the roof tops the HOPE that we have IN HIM? Heck yes!! So here we go. I’ve been silent for so long, and now I have alot to shout about!!
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.
– Psalm 28:7
