I want to leave this world a better place when I am gone. I want to be able to look back at my life and see that the way my time was spent was life giving and glorifying to God. I have a feeling most people would agree and want that for there own life as well. We all want to make a difference in this world. But what if the difference we want to make isn’t the difference God wants us to make.
This last month was the most difficult one for me and my least favorite thus far. We were in Ho Chi Minh City Vietnam living in the touristy part of the city. That part of the city is heavily dominated and influenced by American and European tourists.
Every night we would go walking down the street to buy $0.14 ice cream cones, which is a 3 minute walk. In that short amount of time we would get asked to buy drugs at least two or three times. For every time would say no there were 10 other tourists willing to say yes.
A couple of times we walked the streets lined with bars and clubs to see what a night looks like here and it was heart breaking. Every couple of steps these girls in skimpy tight clothes would ask us “Massage?” and look at us with glazed over hopeless eyes. And if that left any questions, the girls that were walking into hotels with unknown men was the thing that left no more question.
The one night a couple of teammates and I went to McDonalds and met a 17 year old kid from Australia. He was in Vietnam for his birthday with his dad, who had taken him out that night to get him drunk. This kid was sitting in his chair wobbling back in forth while his father sat across the table in enjoyment and pride.
This area is in dire need of a group of twenty somethings carrying the light of the Lord to drive out darkness and bring hope, love, and restoration. Naturally I became very excited for our team to have the chance to make a real visual difference in an area that was so obvious and such a big need. But what did we do this month? We didn’t talk to drug addicted tourists, we didn’t talk to prostitutes, and we didn’t be a light in this dark place. We taught english to a bunch of people 45 minutes away. You heard me right we didn’t do a single thing here in this obviously hurting area. We went somewhere else and didn’t do a single thing at the street.
After the first week the luster of the new country wore off to me and I grew hungrier for a place to make a difference. I would wake up go to ministry teach english and than go back home and lay in bed. Than I would get up go to the park with my team. We would have conversational english with students there for a couple of hours. I would finish that, go back to the hotel, and pretend I wasn’t on the race anymore.
“God, I wish I hadn’t seen what I have seen this month. I wish I didn’t feel such deep connection to the men sitting at the tables waiting for girls to approach them. I wish I didn’t have such a drive to bring hope to all of these people. I wish I didn’t feel responsible for the way these American tourists treat people here. I don’t want to have these feelings. God you placed these desires in me and yet, you are having us teach english this month as far away from this place as possible. God I hope and dream of spending a month making a difference for people. Completely transforming there hearts for you and seeing them step into hope and freedom. I am trying to do this for you and you aren’t allowing it! God I am done I am not going to pour into these feelings only to be disappointed in the way you want me utilize my time. It’s exhausting and I am not willing to do it anymore. God allow me to make a big difference this month or I am done with it.I didn’t sign up for the race to teach english I signed up to make a big difference.”
“Mason you know you are making a difference.”
“I know God! I know I am making a difference but can you honestly tell me that it is making a bigger difference than you could on the street.”
“Its making a bigger difference for the little boys in english who can’t say fix correctly but you patiently sit there with him. It makes a difference to the boy in the park who for the first time in his life was told he was good at english. It is making a difference to every person you come in contact with this month and I am with you every step of the way and in every word. The people on the street need me just as much as the little boy in the classroom does. Don’t underestimate the difference you can make by being my hand and feet, whatever the environment. Teaching people English may not seem as important as talking to people on the street but, it is vitally important for their walk. You are a part of big things and don’t forget that. You are doing what I ask you and each and every thing I ask you to do is vitally important.
I have not forgotten about those on the street. There are people taking the steps I have asked them to take and are making an impact there just like you are in the classroom. I gave you that drive for justice and hope for a reason and you will get a chance to step into that just be patient. Don’t look past my masterpiece looking for something you can comprehend. My ways are above your ways and my understanding is not your understanding. I am proud of you my son and I am so excited for what you have already done and whats in store for you.”
