I can honestly say that up until this point I didn’t fully understand what it is God is asking me to do. God is asking me to leave everything I have ever known, travel to unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people, live out of a backpack for 11 months, and spread the love of God to those who have never heard it!
WHAT?!?!
Am I insane?
What if we encounter danger?
What if I loose my passport?
What if nobody wants to hear what I have to say?
What if this whole thing was a mistake and it was never Gods plan in the first place?
All of these questions and many more crossed my mind. I just laid there in fear and thought, I can’t do this! Than it hit me!
What if I don’t go?
What if there is someone who needs to hear the words only I can say.
What If there is a hope I can give that others can’t.
What if there is a life that can be saved by my presence?
What if my short
comings and failures can bring hope and peace to someone else?
I know that we aren’t suppose to compare ourselves to other people but that is about all that I have done lately. I read the blogs of other racers and see these remarkable loving people. I talk to my squad mates and they are able to speak such wisdom into one another. I watch videos of people on the race and see them able to bring such joy and happiness to so many people. Than I look at myself and see a goof. I see a person who is eventually gonna screw up this amazing opportunity some how. I see a person who is way to focused on what other people think of him. I see a person who is constantly trying to make up for the hurt and destruction he has caused in the past. I see a person who has made some horrible mistakes and in still trying to overcome them.
I pray, and I pray, and I pray that God would change me so that I can be like these other people and make a difference in peoples lives. That he would remove these things in my life that I believe prevent me from being an effective piece of his kingdom. But, I have forgotten that he made me for a reason and there are things about me that only I can offer.
Every person has a story and God can use that story to help someone else. Not everyones story will touch everyone. But, there is always someone who can learn from your story and have a hope that no other person could have given them. I am an imperfect sinner who is being called to reach out to imperfect sinners. If I had it all together what good would that do? Who would want to listen to some guy with no struggles talk about dealing with struggles. When you are dealing with same struggles as someone else you have this bond with them that nobody else has.
God never intended for our story to be perfect but thats the beauty of it. Even the darkest parts of our story can be used to help someone else. I am an imperfect person and I am ok with that because I know that I serve a God who loves me and will never stop loving me. And I know that he made me just the way I am for a reason. And I look forward to seeing what that reason is.
God, Im sorry for my imperfections and the disservice I feel I am doing your kingdom. But on the other hand I thank you for making me exactly the way I am. You have made me exactly the way I am because your plans for me are bigger than I can comprehend. I thank you for never giving up on me and for using even the dark times to show me the light. I don’t think I will ever understand how you work and I am ok with that. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and always giving me hope.
Amen.
