I’m not gonna lie, life after training camp gets tough. We even had a session about how it gets tougher after camp and I didn’t really believe them. I didn’t believe that my life would get more turbulent and time would go faster. Not to say that my anxiety is at an all time high, but it is pretty up there. I know that some of my squad mates are probably feeling the same kind of rush. I have been through this type of restlessness before when I made the big move from Korea to Seattle so, I thought I would try to put it into words for people going through the same thing. It’s a way for me to not only process by typing it up but also to hopefully help others in this time of slight panic.
They tell you that after training camp it is hard to put into words all of the stuff that you went through physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This became a problem the very next day I got home. I had to work because it was Sunday and I work at a church. I realize now I should have asked for the day off. I almost felt like a zombie because of the jet lag but the biggest problem lied in the fact that it had seemed like no time had passed by. When I got back to work, I just started doing the usual things that I do on a Sunday and some people didn’t really know that I was gone for two weeks. Or some people didn’t really know what I was doing in Georgia. That became super difficult, because I knew that I was not the same person that I was 2 weeks ago. I felt like I had changed so much but didn’t know how to voice it to others. It was the usual question of “how was camp?” that was honestly the hardest question to answer. And that wasn’t because I took some allergy medication that made me a little drowsy. I could not do small talk that morning because there was nothing small going on in my life. I also really hate small talk. I believe small talk is meant for small relationships. Of course small talk is necessary in just catching up in a short amount of time but, I much prefer sitting and talk to you for an hour over a warm cup of coffee. I need long talks and thriving off of hearing more of people’s story. Small talk became even more of an enemy when I got back because I could not put training camp into a few simple words. I appreciate people who took the time to stop and ask me a lot of questions about training camp. That was not only a way for me to tell them about the experience but, it helped me to verbally process everything that went down. I went on for almost 2 hours about it with my co-worker, Devin. (Shout out to Dev for being a verbal processor as well and still putting up with my ramblings!) There is a difference in telling someone about camp and telling someone what happened at camp. I could tell someone I heard coyotes every night in my tent and not tell them of the breakthroughs I had laying in my tent. I could tell someone the amazing new songs I learned in worship and not talk about the true healing that comes in worshipping with your whole heart. I could tell someone we did door to door evangelism and not tell them that we found a man who’s wife just lost her mother and needed prayer. I could tell someone about my squad but not tell them about what those 30 new family members taught me. There is just so much more than what I could tell others about my experience at training camp. I feel like with most people I just touched on the surface of what went on in those two weeks. And that got really hard for me. It got harder and harder for me to even articulate what went on at camp. But, I knew that I couldn’t shut down and just stop talking about it with others.
One piece of advice for people coming back from training camp is find 3 people that you can sit down and verbally process with. Maybe make a date before you leave for camp. And take a couple days off when you get back. You will be exhausted but sometimes you are just not ready for the questions either. You just can’t accurately put into words everything that you want to share with others. Take some time to sit down and process before heading back into the daily routine of real life. Your heart will thank you.
Next comes the onslaught of saying goodbye to people and things. I have been through this process once before. When I was leaving Korea, I thought this was going to be the hardest part but actually landing in the new location was. You know that in your heart that you will see these people again. It is not as hard to say goodbye to people when you know behind the goodbye is a see you later. I wish I could tell you that the more you say goodbye to people, the easier it gets but that is just not true. Truthfully, it is hard on you and your heart. I realized when I moved that I had trouble building strong relationships because I just knew I would have to say goodbye to them soon enough. In Korea, most people only stayed for their year contracts or a little bit more. I said goodbye to a lot of people there and I knew the same would happen where ever I lived. That type of thinking is just not healthy for anyone. I have identified that problem and I am growing from it, don’t get too worried about me. I just want you to know that what I learned from that is that goodbyes are short lived. With technology and social media, it is easy to keep relationships strong. No you don’t get hugs and sometimes the Skype audio cuts in and out but it is knowing that those people are still cheering for you that is the most important. When you know that you have people’s support and you would do anything for them as well, you are building on a friendship that will last a long time. I think that one struggle my squad and I are struggling with right now is getting rid of things. Some of us more than others, but a struggle none the less. I am in the process of selling my car right now and paying off any debts I have. Some people are in the process of selling their houses and quitting their jobs. I think that this scares a lot of people because it makes the sacrifice so much more real. Letting go of these things are a big part of the surrender. You don’t want to be a slave to anything that may hold you in one place when you get back from the race. You have no idea where God will call you next and you don’t want a big material possession tying you to a specific spot. If you think you know what you want to do when you get back, I can speak from experience in telling you that a lot can happen in a year. I want to challenge you to live a life of surrender for the year that you are on World Race. My church facilitates the idea of living a life that is surrounded and surrendered. You are already surrendering a year to follow the calling God has put on your life and you are about to be surrounded by 30 or more amazing people who are sacrificing the same thing. Will I be coming back home to nothing but my room in my parent’s house in December 2018? Yes. But that leaves the door wide open for me. This makes me available for God to do anything with my life. This gives me not only a sense of freedom while I am on the race, this gives me freedom to listen to where God calls me into my next season.
After training camp, the goodbyes become a bit harder and the race to sell everything becomes urgent. I encourage you not to feel like this is a burden or depressing. I want you to remember that this is a surrender for something greater. This is a way for you to become more available for God to use you and continue to use your life. You are not tied to the material possessions or relationships in your life. Greater things are yet to come. There will be people there to cheer you on and it is easier than you think to stay connected to the people you love, even overseas. But, know that God will sometimes just use your stories to impact people that you may never have even had a conversation with while on the field. Low quality WiFi does not correlate with low quality relationships only low quality commitment does that.
Lastly, comes the raise to the finish line of financial support. This seems like a daunting task after you get back from camp. You have raised $5,000 or more and you had to do a lot just to raise that much money. You start to think it will be impossible for you to raise any more. You think that you have exasperated all of your financial supporters and you don’t know what to do next. The stress of raising enough money is something that can keep you up at night. I have broken out in a cold sweat when my mom has asked me,”What happens if you don’t raise the money?” My mind doesn’t need that kind of stress. But, I have started replying, “I believe that I will get all of my donations, so I haven’t thought about that and I don’t want to.” I have to keep reminding myself on a daily basis that God is my provider and He WILL provide. He is your Heavenly Father that will provide for you. I want to share with you something that I have been doing in order to settle my heart a little bit. I tithe every month 10% or more of my finances. Recently, instead of tithing to my church, I have been tithing to people in missions or people who are looking for financial support. I feel a deeper connection with those people because we are in the same place of searching for support. Through blessing them I find peace in knowing that people are looking to do the same for me. I get to see the fruit of what they are doing in the mission field through my support and get excited for what I get to do next year. It honestly just brings a little peace to my heart to support those who are in the same boat as me when it comes to praying for financial support. You will have to daily remind yourself that God will provide but He WILL show up when you need it. He is good and He will take care of you.
The anxiety of raising financial support does not really get easier. It is hard for even the most experienced missionaries out there. I wish I had more to say that was extremely comforting so that you never had a worry about God providing ever again. That worry will pop up in your life somewhere down the line even if we raise all of the support that we need. I think that fundraising falls into the same area of sacrifice as selling all your belongings does. It takes a certain amount of humbleness mixed with some confidence which seems hard to master and some have it down better than others. But, don’t think that God wants to give you any less. During offering in your church, you may have heard the verse 2 Corinthians 9:7 that includes the line “God loves a cheerful giver.” But, the verses after are the ones I want to focus on for you fellow worrier.
“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.””
You see all those words in purple? That is YOU. See all the bigger black words? That is what God has FOR YOU. This is something that I have to remind myself of daily, so don’t get discouraged if you have those moments of hysteria. Your devotion to following what God has called you to do will be blessed far more than you can imagine and He will provide everything that you need. Through all of the good works you are about to do, He is before you and with you. You are about to travel the world and scatter your gifts to the broken and poor. Imagine the joy you will feel when you see them in heaven one day. Lean on your squad and His word for times of weakness in anxiousness. Know in confidence that you can’t do it alone, none of us can.
Those are the top three things on my brain these past few weeks after training camp. I still cant quite put into words everything that went on at training camp. Goodbyes don’t get easier but they are not forever, something greater is on its way. And know that you are not alone in your support raising, your God is way bigger than any amount of money. All of these will pop into your brain at some point both before and after training camp. I am writing this to not only my readers but also to myself as I keep moving forward to January. I want to encourage you that the people that will come into your life through talking about this experience may surprise you. You are inspiring people through the commitment you have decided to make through doing World Race. Don’t let yourself talk you into thinking that you are doing this alone, or the wrong thing. Know that the purpose you have in this life is to bring glory to God and this new chapter of your life will have His name written all over it. You are loved and you are taken care of. If you have to write that on your bathroom mirror to remember that, DO IT! I know I will.
