If you know me well, you know that I do not like asking for help. If someone tells me to do something, even if I don’t really know what I am doing, I will do my best without any help. I don’t like asking for directions and I for sure hate looking like I am lost or confused. Isn’t it funny that the mind sometimes works in a way that it knows you need help but tells you no because of fear of looking lost. Asking people for help for World Race was the one thing that almost held me back from applying in the first place. Living a year off of donations from friends and family? No thanks, I can’t even get myself to ask my parents for help let alone people I’m not in a direct blood line with. When I think about World Race this is what comes to mind:
Me on the outside:
Me on the inside:
This unhealthy fear of asking for help was only established when I moved to Korea by myself. I had found a place to live, a job, and even a church all by myself so why would I need help? I guess I started to see help as a sign of weakness when it really isn’t at all. My first year in Korea after I graduated was the hardest year of my life. Moving all of my stuff out there was the easy part. The only good parts about moving to Seoul that year was a great roommate, a compassionate church, and a tutor that was teaching me Korean for free. Other than that, the teaching job I had taken was not what I expected, my job sometimes went months without paying me, the hourly pay I did get was lower than minimum wage, I went weeks without buying food, and had 3 mental breakdowns. Through the end of 2013 I really found what the meaning of “dragged through the wringer” was. Not once did I tell my parents or any of my family the things I was going through. And as much as I wanted to, I didn’t tell any of my friends outside of my church either. I didn’t want to seem weak or look like I was out of control of my life. I think I ignored how much this kind of living was effecting me until after New Years Eve 2013. After celebrating coming into the new year of 2014 with friends in church, I realized that I did not have enough money to pay for a cab ride home. Of course me not wanting to ask for help, did not tell any of my friends that I needed money. Instead, I walked as far as I could until I thought hopefully I was close enough to grab a cab. I have never felt as alone as I felt on that walk that I took that night. Here’s a foreign girl walking all by herself late at night on a holiday. I took the time to pray to ease my nerves and help the walk go by quicker. I started to think about the past year and how much I had gone through. But even through all of it, even if I didn’t directly ask for help, there was always someone there to support me. The people around me were the ones that helped me to keep moving forward and listened to me when I was struggling. Even at my job I was able to open up to my co workers and we supported each other. I realized that even through all of the tough experiences, not once did I think about dropping everything and going back home. Through everything, I knew that I was exactly where I needed to be and I was surrounded by a great group of people. It was after that hour long walk that when I hopped in the cab, the cab driver started to practice his English and asked me if I went to church. At first I was shocked because usually the array of Korean cab drivers include the silent cab drivers, the fast Korean speaking drivers, or the angry cab drivers. After I said that I went to church he asked me if I knew Jesus. I chuckled and said, “Yes, I love him.” He turned slightly in his seat and said,”Good, because he loves you.” I tell you that story because that conversation was exactly what I needed to hear and I feel like that is exactly how God works. He knows when you need help and he is helping you even when you don’t think you need it. But, people are the same way and I think that is something that I still have to learn. I have committed to living a surrounded and surrendered life. Surround yourself with people that will cheer for you, pray for you, laugh with you, and cry with you no matter what the circumstances. Surrender your time by having an interruptible life both daily and in future plans.
When I moved to Seattle, it took me 4 months to come to terms that I was actually doing it. I would tell people that I wasn’t sure if I was moving, but in my heart I knew that I had already decided. It’s funny how we sometimes don’t want to say what is on our hearts just because our minds are still mulling over what we already know. That internal conflict makes you really emotional and annoyed with yourself on a daily basis. But, I knew that I was going to move to Seattle in September. Big decisions like that do not happen quickly. It’s not a decision that you can just hop on an escalator and find yourself at the top quickly. No, no, this process is step by step. Decisions like that are when you put one foot out and look up at God and think, “Is this right? Am I supposed to keep going?” Before ever thinking about moving to Seattle, God reminded me of World Race. At the time I thought I was being told to go but, I think sometimes those things are just revealed to us for something later on. I was not ready to do World Race last year and I knew that. I feel like I kept thinking about it just so God could be like, “Hey, remember this for later.” It has consistently been in the back of my mind this past year. Throughout the leadership experience I started to see how much I had changed myself in some aspects to fit into the Korean culture. After breaking those barriers down I began to see myself the way that God sees me. I started to explore the gifts that I have and how I can use them in the future. More importantly, I started to see the world differently and was getting antsy about traveling again. When I moved to Seattle I thought I was being brought here for good. I finally thought I was going to be able to settle down and start a life here. But, alas that is not the life that I am called to. I remember yelling in my car at God because I knew that He was calling me to do World Race and not do second year of the leadership experience. I just kept yelling,”Can’t you just keep in me in one place?” He knows and I know now I would not be happy staying in one place. I love meeting people and traveling the world too much to stay in one spot. I am not the same person I was after living in a foreign country for almost 4 years. I feel like it is difficult for me to fit in America, as weird as that sounds. I sometimes feel like a foreigner in my own home country. I love the excitement I feel when I talk about a different country or when I meet someone from somewhere new. My life is meant to be filled with adventure and that is the most exciting/terrifying thing that I don’t think I will ever get over. And sometimes I think that feeling is just hard to put into words. I love when I talk to people about this trip and they say that this is something they could never do. Two years ago, I thought the exact same thing. Now, I feel like this is something I am meant to do but, it will also teach me to get over the fear of asking for help. This year in Seattle has been something that has changed me forever and I want to keep going off of that momentum. I want to keep learning more and loving more.
I know that this will be difficult and I know that asking for help is a part of the process. My squad and I are a group of 30 young people who will travel the world to help other people. These may be people who struggle with asking for help just as much as I do. How is it that I am so afraid to ask for help but so willing to help someone else in any way that I can? I have to keep reminding myself that you as supporters are also there for any prayer and support that I may need. This experience is not possible without you. I want to tell you a few things that your support goes towards throughout the coming year. This trip is about people. These are people that I have never met before but I know that I will remember them for the rest of my life. We get the chance to go to places that people may never have thought to go and show them the love and compassion they deserve. We get to meet up with missionaries in these countries and help them in areas of their greatest need. We are going to churches and leading worship or preaching sermons to people who may never have heard a Bible verse. We are going to orphanages and showing love to children who do not hear the word love enough. We are showing these kids that there are people who are fighting for them and rooting for them in every circumstance. We are bringing new hope for pastors in churches that are dwindling. We get to baptize people who desire a closer relationship with God. We get to go into people’s homes and encourage them with prayer. We get to meet people from all over the world and pray with them even after we’ve left. We get to pray for people that have just accepted Jesus into their heart for the first time. We get to hand a Bible to someone who wants to learn more about this incredible love. We get to have nights of prayer and worship for villages and towns that many people may have never seen before. We get the chance to educate kids in a language that may inspire them to travel the world. We get a chance to educate kids and adults that could be a future doctor, business man/woman, firefighter, politician, pastor, worship leader, or missionary. Your support means more that I think you realize. You are investing your time, prayers, and financial support into something that could potentially change generations in these countries.
It’s hard for me to put into words how excited I am for this next year and the amazing experiences to come. I am thankful for any support you are willing to give. You can donate $1 and that gets me one dollar closer to my goal. There are more fundraising events to come and my first fundraising goal of $5,000 is due at the end of September. I hope that you will prayerfully consider donating to this unbelievable trip. I want you to know that I know this trip is not possible without your support. Whether it be through prayer, conversation, or financial giving, your help is what makes this trip possible. Your investment is not just into my travel but into the lives of the people I will meet along the way. I have sent out over 50 letters in the past week and I hope to reach out to more people. If you have any questions or would like to receive a letter please email me at [email protected]. Please do not hesitate to ask me questions if you want to find out more information about the trip. Your support and prayers motivate me more and more everyday. Thank you so much for everything that you have helped me with to get me to this point today! You have no idea of your impact in my faith, talents, and life that have led me here to this unbelievable opportunity. Please continue to pray for my teammates and I as we prepare financially, spiritually, and physically for this coming year. We are all so excited and through the group chat that we already have, I can confidently say that we are one weird, loving family. I cannot wait to explore the world with them and see the miracle God will do in us and through us. Love, love, love, love, love, love! *Bruce Almighty reference*
