Last year, I sat down outside of one of my favorite coffee shops in Redmond, WA to type out a new blog post for my birthday. This year I am sitting in a kitchen in a small village in the middle of no where, Kazakhstan. But, I am going to answer the same question that I asked myself last year. Each birthday celebration within interns, we asked the birthday boy or girl the same question – What are two things that you want to learn this year? This could be physically like learning taekwondo, it could be spiritually like memorizing a verse a day, emotionally like finding joy in the little things or even mentally like learning a new language. This past year I chose to learn wisdom and courage. I learned wisdom through going to different countries and experiencing life in new circumstances. I learned courage through hearing the stories of others and knowing that God places me in one place for a reason. The more I’ve let go of control and fear, the more I have seen Him work in my life. Not to say that I am done learning wisdom and courage for the rest of my life, but I want to keep building myself each year. So, I sat down and started to think about what I want to learn in Chapter 27. Honestly, I had to think to narrow it down to just two things. At least in Chapter 26 I knew that I would be travelling the world, this new chapter is a huge mystery. I think we should all look forward to a new year with expectancy and confidence in knowing that God will fill our narrative with things we didn’t even expect. So here it goes, two things that I want to learn and carry with me the rest of my life in my 27th chapter of life.
1.) Peace
A simple word, that carries a big impact in your life. When you don’t have peace in your life, you are constantly running around and searching for things to fill your schedule. I have always been someone who loves to see her calendar filled. I love writing out my daily schedule for each day and I thrive off of color-coding each new responsibility for each day. Before I left for the race, I had 5 different nanny families that filled up different time slots, a part time job at my church, and I was trying to fundraise for this trip. It was the craziest 6 months I have ever had but I loved every minute of it. I kept myself busy so that financial and future worry would not creep in. Filling up my schedule turned into a distraction. I would sit in a coffee shop and read my Bible for half an hour and then answer emails, text messages, pay bills, shop for the race, and update my calendar for an hour. Organization gives me life but I was actually draining myself of the peace that my mind and heart needed. God calls us to sometimes be still, and sometimes we are too busy running around to hear Him telling us to just sit. I have learned this past year that I need to find time to be still each day. I want to learn this next year what it means to have peace. Take time each morning to sit and just find peace in the quiet. Not needing to sit in a coffee shop or have music playing in my ears, no distractions but focus on the peace that God’s presence carries. This past year we have had really busy months, and some quieter months when it comes to ministry. I would find myself more spiritually healthy during the quieter months. The months that I had enough time in the morning to sit and enjoy my quiet time even though our days were filled with teaching, cleaning, or conversations. Because I had a time of peace in the morning, I was filled for the day. That is one thing that I want to carry with me in my life back home. Knowing that in the mess and in the craziness of life, my peace is found in something that is never changing. Even though I have no idea how my life will change after this race is over, but I can find peace in knowing that God is walking through all of this with me.
“The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still” Exodus 14:14
2.) Performing
If you have known me for any length of time, you know that I love to be on stage. And this past year I have experienced something that I didn’t expect. I felt my passion for singing totally disappear. I felt as if I shouldn’t sing in front of people and I told myself I shouldn’t lead worship ever since my guitar broke in two. I have said that when my guitar was broken my spirit for worship was broken. My love of singing and of music was diminished so much that I would sit in church services in silence, frustrated that my mind was so clouded with this idea that I wasn’t supposed to sing. I would sit there steaming in frustration in myself. It got to the point that I told myself that God was telling me not to focus on worship and worship leading. I told myself that He was leading me away from worship because it wasn’t in my future. Looking back now, I realize how silly I am and how much of a liar the enemy is. I was convinced that I shouldn’t be singing when that was the very thing that the enemy wanted. Satan knows the gifts that God gives us and he hates them. The first thing he will do is take away that passion by telling you lie after lie. Satan will attack the giftings that you have been given especially when your gift is influencing others. Especially when you are singing loud enough for all to hear in a country that does not know their Heavenly Father that loves them infinitely more than any of their idol gods. I took three months for me to get out of my funk and be comfortable singing in front of people again. But, I have found a new freedom in my worship that I wouldn’t have found if I didn’t have those months of silence. It was a lesson that was hard to learn but I am glad that I was able to come out of it with a new perspective on the abilities that God has given me throughout my life. So, this year I am going to focus on performing. Not only in singing. I feel a pull towards taking dance classes and getting back on stage in musicals. I have always felt a pull towards the stage, but this time I will be a little more reliant on God in training. I am going to train as if I know what direction I am heading and see where He takes me. I did this in Korea and I was the happiest that I have ever been. I’m not 100% positive on how I am going to learn more about performing once I get back to the states, but for now I am going to rest in knowing that this is where I am called. I find so much life being on stage and glorifying God in different creative outlets. So, here is to believing that my 27th chapter will include some musical numbers!
“My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul.” Psalm 108:1
I’m not sure how this chapter will go, but I am looking forward to making this chapter better than the last. I love reading books and watching movies with twists and turns. I love that with my story, you never really know what I am going to do next. I want to live a life that doesn’t make sense to anyone but me and God. It’s scary and a little unsure at times but it’s a life out of the ordinary and stepping into the extraordinary. So, to end my 26th chapter:
“She couldn’t help but stare at the laptop computer screen and realize how far God had brought her away from home. How this dust filled, fly infested home in Kazakhstan has been her home for the past 2 and half weeks. How no matter where she is sent, the Lord reassures her that she is exactly where she is supposed to be. With that assurance she gives a little smile even though she knows she may have to move forward with a little fear. “On to the extraordinary” she thinks as she gets ready for dinner with her team and Kazakh family.”
