Interestingly enough, this is not the first time I have felt a lack of clarity about going on a mission trip. Isn’t it crazy how God works like that! It brings a whole new understanding to what Jesus says in John 13:7, “You do not understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” My sophomore year of high school, God brought me through a season of waiting. The year before, I had gone on my first mission trip to Haiti over spring break with my church youth group. My sister, Maggie, was on that trip as well. It was an amazing experience to say the least. When the time came around the next fall to sign up for the trip my sophomore year, I really struggled with finding clarity from God. This is an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote in November of that year,
“Last year, our shirts were, “Here I am, Send me.” I was ready. I knew it and willingly put myself there and was ready for God. I can not say the same this year. I can’t, without reservation and hesitation, say, “Here I am, Send me.” If I were to have a saying on a shirt this year, the first thing that came to my mind was “Give me Faith.”’
I had been so secure and confident the year before about God’s calling for me to go to Haiti. I was baffled at the fact that I had so many reservations about this next trip when the previous one had gone so well. I was constantly asking God for clarity, and after quite some time, I came to peace about the fact that God’s intention was for me to wait in His will. I did end up going on the trip and I was able to see God work not only during that week, but all those long, hard months before that when he was cultivating my heart for His glory.
Little did I know that God was preparing my heart for this season of my life as well. Thankfully, this time around, I have come to peace with this uncertainty much quicker than before. I am eager to experience God work in my heart and others during this time of preparation. As it says in James 1, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (2-4). God intricately coordinated this time of our lives, and he tells us here in His Word that these circumstances can actually make us complete, unwavering, and stronger in our faith.
Paul even gave us instructions on how to wait in God’s will in Romans 12:12. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” That is what I am holding onto during these uncertain times because I know that His ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). God’s promises are unchanging and certain, so that is what I am going to place my faith and confidence in.
