Just under two years ago, if you had asked me where I thought I would be in 2018 I would have probably said working some sort of job, perhaps in New York or L.A. Renting a flat with my friends, getting the most out of my twenties, sleeping in on the weekends and spending too much money on bottomless mimosas at brunch.
Not here. In a Rwandan village, on the floor on an old lumpy mattress, huddled under a mosquito net, rapidly typing this as my computer battery is on 19% and there is no electricity to recharge it.
Today 3 new kids were added to the school where we are teaching. One of the girls, only 4 years old was discovered last week, alone in the forest after being abandoned. I catch her gazing at me with deep dark eyes that have seen too much sorrow and known too much hunger at such an age.
We visited another sweet student yesterday evening. Only 3 years old, he was lying on the floor of a damp and dimly lit, one room concrete home, burning up with fever after contracting malaria this week.
These are the stories that have become normal to me.
I wear the same clothes almost everyday. I shower with a 2-liter bucket of water that is carried from the village well. A rare day of luxurious indulgence looks like filling my Hydroflask with boiled water from the teakettle, and mixing it with the ice cold, rusty smelling well water. I sometimes catch myself going days without ever seeing myself in a mirror and I have gone months without wearing a stitch of make up.
In the midst of 7 months of the World Race I am starting to be comfortable with discomfort. Not much is shocking me these days in a way that is difficult to explain to those I dearly love, who are living the kind of life I really thought I would be having.
With the Race being more than halfway complete, I can’t help but realize that much of my past life, and even many of my past dreams are dead in the past.
In short, knowing Jesus, really knowing him, has ruined my life.
Or at least the life I always thought I would have.
You see after years of doing things my way, on my time, and for my benefit, the Lord called me back to his ways. The sacrificial, unpopular, and often times seemingly impossible ways.
The ways that our 21st century society likes to describe as close-minded and intolerant.
The ways that require trust, obedience, and faith in the things unseen.
Even as I sit writing, I am well aware that many of you reading will be quick to disagree and perhaps even criticize. But that is precisely why it has been on my heart to share this.
Because my comfort and security is so minimal compared to the eternal promises I have put my hope in.
And anyways if I’m wrong about all of this, what does it matter to you? But if I am right, wouldn’t you want to know, wouldn’t it change just about everything?
Prior to committing every aspect of my life to my Christian faith I was perfectly content with the way things were looking. Good friends, good opportunities, and a bright and comfortable looking future.
But everything changed the moment I knew the realness of our Father in heaven.
The moment it finally clicked that around a century here on earth is an invisible speck of time compared to all of eternity.
The moment I began to see the lies that our culture throws at us about happiness for what they really were. Complete garbage. Wrapped up in nice pretty packages that someone somewhere is making money off of.
The people I am meeting here on the mission field are revealing to me what it looks like to trust God with everything. Absolutely everything: resources, finances, relationships, time, and even safety.
They are showing me how it looks to do exactly what the Bible says, no matter what the cost. To not make excuses, or water down the commands of Jesus.
To love the poor, heal the sick, and to completely let the Holy Spirit eradicate all traces of worldly desires.
To wake up every single day knowing it is one day closer to heaven.
One of our dear ministry partners that we worked with 6 months ago in India died this past week. A terminal cancer that rapidly progressed in a matter of weeks.
We adored him and his family and our hearts are breaking for their loss. But only their loss. Because he truly has gained much more than we could ever imagine.
Chandan sacrificed absolutely every ounce of his life for the Gospel. I know that without a shadow of a doubt that his blessings are abounding right this second up there in heaven.
In an area of India where Christians are heavily persecuted, he and his wife opened up a covert Christian school in their garage that ministered to the local Hindu children and parents. They pooled together every penny to keep the school afloat and it’s doors are open every single day of the week. No breaks on weekends or even on holidays.
Every day they would wake up not knowing where the next rent check would come from, or even if the police would show up to arrest them. They were constantly prepared to sacrifice every bit of their lives for the sake of the kids in the neighborhood slum.
This is the unpopular, unconventional life that I am speaking of. The kind of life that is not really your own at all.
And the more you seek the Lord, the more He asks of you.
Your old life, prior to knowing God personally will be completely shattered.
But here is the catch. My hope for this blog, and for really the rest of my life is to come alongside God and to help ruin other peoples lives. To wake people up to the something more.
Because trust me when I say the something more is SO much better than the something we are all told to settle for.
To look out at breathtaking creation and know personally the hand and source of your awe.
To make the most life giving friendships, grounded firmly in the principles of selflessness and sacrificial love.
To feel perfectly content. Even in the midst of physically having nothing.
And to live the most epic and potentially dangerous story without one drop of fear.
Because our Father hates fear and there is no fear where He is present.
His perfect love casts out fear.
To have this something more, you don’t have to move to Africa or sell all your belongings, although I’m not promising that He won’t call you to do that.
You simply have to desire to know Him. To urgently seek answers to your questions, and to find the ultimate Truth.
To understand that the life you have built for yourself just might be ruined.
But ruined at the cost for that which is immensely more beautiful and indescribably more satisfying.
Matthew 7:7
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
