Friday night, during debrief, a majority of the squad went out to Walking Street, which is the red light district of Pattaya, Thailand. It was something I’ve never experienced before and something you wouldn’t believe until you’ve seen it with your own eyes (I strongly encourage you to google this city and Walking street to learn more). I was reading what I wrote in my journal to my squad mentor during a one-on-one and she just looked at me and said “You really should make that into a blog.” So, here I am, sharing my journal for the world to see in hopes that it can bring light into the darkness of this place.
“Bright lights. Neon signs. The smell of cigarette smoke lingering in the air. Loud music. Overwhelming.
Never has my heart felt like it wanted to leap out of my chest and embrace every girl like it did tonight. There was no spark or light in people’s eyes…almost as if no one was home—their spirit dimmed by the brokenness of this world. I don’t even know where to begin processing what was experienced tonight. I have felt darkness before yet this felt so heavy…like a lead blanket.
After walking around a while, we stopped into McDonald’s to use the bathroom. While we were waiting, we met a man who was from Germany and worked for the UN but lived in Africa. I asked what he was doing here and how long he was here. He gave me this “you know” smile and proceeded to tell me how he is here for 1.5 months for vacation…just to get away from Africa. A girl, who looked younger than Trey…so 21—maybe even under 18…walked out of the bathroom. We walked out of McDonald’s and saw the same man leading her away with another man.
The Red Light District is literally Satan’s playground…it was confirmed for me when I saw a character looking like a devil walking around on stilts. The people know what they are doing is not right…but they continue out of being held captive by the flesh. People outside the bars hold “menus” for sex and pictures of straight up porn. I tried not to judge as we walked down the street—tour groups…people with their children…wealthy men paying for a girl like they would pay for a steak at a 5 star restaurant.
Then, the Lord reminded me that I am no different than these girls. They want love and acceptance…we all do. Yet, we just go through different avenues to receive it. I struggle with myself…thinking of my personal struggle with porn. My heart breaks as I realize I am no better than these men buying girls and holding “menus”.
I remember that girl as we were leaving. She was wearing the equivalent to a bra and panties as she invited people into the club. She looked at me. I smiled. She tried to get me to go inside. I smiled and shook my head “No, Thank you”. WHY?! Why did I not grab her hand, look her in the eyes and say “You are loved”? Why did I not tell her there is a man who truly LOVES her…not these men who only say they love her for her body? Instead, I was trying my damn hardest to get out of the place as fast as I could.
Then I think of the girl in the black fishnet stockings and a black leotard/dress thing. She couldn’t have been any older than Chuck—15 or 16…maybe even younger. She was doing acrobatics in the street with crowds watching her. This old man (who surprisingly wasn’t white) standing next to her taking tips. My eyes stayed locked on her…her face so young with so much promise…yet her eyes showed exhaustion, brokenness, hurt…like she was searching for something that she couldn’t find. I walked past her twice yet never stopped…even if my heart stayed with her. My heart stayed but my body left.
The weight of this broken world sits heavy on me…like someone is sitting on my chest making it hard to breathe. I feel myself becoming angrier by the minute—not only with these people but with the One who created the world.
“If you have the power to stop this, WHY do you let it go on? Why don’t you STOP this hell on earth?!”
and then…
“I did, my daughter. When Jesus died on the cross, he said ‘IT IS FINISHED!’ The sin of the world was laid upon his shoulders and forgiven by his blood. Do you not think that I don’t weep for the brokenness in this world? Do you not think I don’t hurt because of how my creation has become?”
That little boy. I pray he was albino, which is awful. He was sitting with a street vendor family…obviously and painfully not like them in appearance. We kept walking…turning back around after every few steps. The child is screaming. I look back again and he is gone with the man that was sitting there.
The girls on the street aren’t the only ones. There is more than we realize behind closed doors. I have a sinking feeling in my gut when I think about the children stuck in this industry. Sadly, the girls trying to attract people to come inside probably have the easiest job.
This world is so messed up…so f-ing messed up!”
