Confession: I am absolutely horrible at focusing on the present.
Since the first day of senior year, the thought that has plagued my mind is: “I’m so done with college…done with the people, the academics, everything”. I have been consumed with frustration towards friendships that have become distant, lack of motivation and hatred for anything that remotely resembles academics, and fear of the future (what in the world will life look like after I graduate?!). I have spent countless days dwelling on the past and how my life would be different if x, y, and z never happened.
Long story short, I have not done a good job with focusing on the here and now.
Right before Christmas break, I met up with a friend who, in her oh-so-wise way, flat out told me that I, as usual, was saying things like “I’m over college” and “I can’t wait to graduate” because I was trying to hide how scared I am…how scared I am of what life after college look like. I’m stuffing those feelings down and not allowing myself to feel anything that goes along with my last year of college. I glared at her and said “no, you’re not right” when deep down inside, I knew she was right. I promised her that I would think about this and allow myself to experience the tidal waves of emotions that come with being in the last semester of college…and I thought nothing of it until two weeks ago when I came back to school for my LAST and FINAL semester of college (not including summer school but, hey, who counts that anyways?).
When I returned to campus after almost a month of being at home, I sat down with God and just prayed over this semester–that I would continue to grow more in Him every day, that I wouldn’t wait until the World Race begins to really listen to Him and share Him with those around me, and mainly that He would help me to stay in the moment and focus on this last semester I have here at PC.
This weekend, I was at a party for one of my friends who recently got married. I was talking to another friend, who was there, and she challenged me to stay in the moment and enjoy the last few months of college. She reminded me that I still have (a little more than) three months. Three months that can be used to bring more of Christ to the campus…Three months of praying over PC…Three months of loving on professors, staff and fellow students…Three months of being a light on the college campus.
As much as I want to be finished with college and leave for the World Race right this very minute, I still have a few months here at good ‘ole Presbyterian College…and it is where God wants me right now…it is where He has me. So, I will continue to learn how to stay in the present…I will continue to take each day as it comes and focus on what God has for me that particular day–not the day before or the next day.
