The other day, I was called “fat” by a woman I had met only minutes before. She tapped my arm and said “you are the fatter one”.
My mind raced a billion miles an hour as my face stayed stone straight fighting back tears and hatred toward this woman I didn’t even know.
My team and I had just attended an all day evangelism training course with our host and as we were walking out the door, we were stopped by people wanting to talk to “the Americans.” Some of the women were asking us all those typical questions of “Are you married?” “Do you have a boyfriend? Why not?” “What are you doing here in Malawi?”, etc. One of the women was talking to my teammate and mentioned that she had twin daughters. My teammate told her I was a twin and the woman looked at us and tapped my arm and said “You’re the fatter one!”
It took a minute to get over the shock of what she had just said and when we did, we realized that she thought my teammate and I were twins. We hurriedly tried to explain to her that we were not twins but that I have a twin sister back at home in America.
I wish I could look back and say I took this gracefully and that I didn’t get pissed off and sulk the rest of the day. But the reality is, I’m human and I was offended. Ispent the rest of the day allowing my mind to berate itself with thoughts that were completely demolished and taken to their grave a while ago…I sat questioning if she was telling the truth or if she was just completely blind to the young woman in front of her who’s Daddy handcrafted her like a potter molds clay into pots…I sat and scolded myself for drinking that sprite or eating one too many ginger cookies last month or not working out or going on runs with teammates for the past 10 months. I fought the thoughts of inadequacy and unworthiness trying to enter the deepest crevices of my heart that my Daddy has already filled with His love and Truth. I felt like I was on the losing end…discouraged that my mind automatically went back to those thoughts even after my Daddy has given me complete freedom and told me that He won’t let me backslide to that dark world of hating and destroying His temple.
But then something happened that would’ve never happened month 1 or even month 8 of the Race. I woke up the next morning and laughed about the whole scenario as it played out in my head. I laughed because I realized that in some countries, people confuse fat and short…and we all know I’m a bit vertically challenged. I laughed because I know and believe the Truth. I laughed because the devil had me for a split second (or maybe a few hours) but as He always does, my knight in shining armor came in and demolished him with His mighty power. I laughed because I’m not fat…I haven’t gained weight…my clothes fit the same as when I left home. I laughed because I believed a lie that I know isn’t true. I laughed out of pure happiness that for once in my life, I could finally laugh at those lies.
As I sat ate my breakfast and drank my morning cup of tea, I thought back to a listening prayer one of squad mates gave to me at Month 7 debrief in Thailand and it finally made sense.
“I see you looking into a mirror and your reflection is someone you don’t recognize. It is definitely you but not the same you there was yesterday. You look at your reflection with peace and joy and the unfamiliarity is peaceful. You smile when you realize you see yourself as the Father does.”
