I tried to make a podcast, but later realized I couldn’t upload it. Sooooooo, I am going to continue on my last two blog posts as promised, with #7 and #8 in the written manner.
What I learned in Malaysia lucky number 7: We must seek the heart of people before seeing what they produce.
Number 8: Taking captive every thought in order to choose God over your feelings
Number 7: This came to me as I was in the worship setting in Malaysia at PenHOP. As a jazz musician, I struggle with worship music because the changes and music sound the same to me. I really enjoy improvisational settings and freedom there. As a trained vocalist, it is also hard for me to engage with worship when I am too focus on the sounds of voices and instruments. I become locked into the music and not locked in enough on God. My mind wanders and sometimes I grow a little bitter with what I am hearing. On the Race, this has been a huge struggle. I have really had to stop and do a heart check in this aspect. It has taken me many many months, but I am finally beginning to see what this means. While I was at PenHOP, the Lord spoke to me one day as someone as leading a worship time. He asked me to see the heart of that person in the worship, to see where they were with the Lord. Before the Race, I really struggled with putting my identity in music. I allowed it to become my worth and identity… I allowed it to become my ONLY worth and identity. I ended up projecting that spectrum of worth on other people, which was totally unfair of me. Now, because of these struggles, I have been able to identify those who are in the same predicament. In seeing people’s hearts in worship, one of two things have happened:
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I am inspired to worship the Lord even more.
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There is an opportunity to encourage the musician who is leading.
Only good has come out of this and I have been able to focus more on the lyrics and the declaration of who God is rather than the music, which is a big change for me.
But it isn’t good all the time. I truly have to practice taking my thoughts captive over my feelings (#8). It’s a constant reminder in worship and in life to take the attitude of seeing people’s hearts rather then what they produce – whether good or bad. This ties in with loving your enemies and being kind to your neighbor. People who are not always kind to you live in the same broken world and make the same broken mistakes. As I have come to this, I have understood forgiveness and love in a different way. I have understood what it means to worship the Lord in Spirit and truth.
In this process, I realized how wrong I have been in how I view worship. Worship is not a time for me to sit and stare, to judge, or even to receive. It seems that now-a-days worship has become a place to receive instead of a place to give back to God. It has become a place of judgement when church shopping. “I just really wasn’t feeling the worship.” Or, “I felt the Holy Spirit so much in the worship.”
The definition of worship is the feeling or expression of adoration and reverence toward a higher being. Such a thing is a sacrifice of one’s own feelings toward oneself in order to give praise to another being. We have become too focused on trying to feel God in worship, rather than giving praise in every moment. We have made the mistake of only worshiping God in a “Worship Setting,” rather than worshiping Him in all areas of our life. If we were made to worship, then our lives should be a testimony of worship. We have forgotten what it means to say “Lord I have you,” rather than “Lord I need You.” We say “I want to feel You,” when our faith declares that He lives inside us. We say “You will overcome,” when He already has. We have forgotten to declare who God is. What does it mean to press into the truth of His overall reign, being the who was, who is, and who is to come? He IS Hope, He IS Truth, He IS here. We have taken worship and used it as a time to receive, rather than a time to take a risk and give back to God what is rightfully His – our praise. We can praise Him because He HAS overcome, we can rest assured that our God is stronger than anything we endure. When we proclaim this we are engaging with the totality of God’s story and His point of view, not just our own.
I came to realize that worship is not just something we do in the “worship setting” at church, but it is a lifestyle. We must live a life that proclaims the glory and influence of God. We must proclaim the good news – that Jesus Christ has overcome. I can receive from God anytime I want, but do I ever actively choose to worship Him? Job FELL face down and WORSHIPED God when circumstances arose in his life. He chose to proclaim God’s great authority and truth over it all. Before these words were even written in a letter by Paul, Job chose to worship in Spirit and truth. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been, but he was a man who clearly lived a life of worship.
Worship is an act of remembrance. God knew we needed reminders of His goodness and providence in our lives. That is why people in the Old Testament built altars and why we take communion together. We are human, we are forgetful, and we are in a sinful world that is a far cry from a perfect heaven. God loves us so much that He humbled Himself to graciously give us a tangible act to remember Him. How good is He?! Do we remember all He has done and do we proclaim it? Do we believe the testimony He gave us is worthy of praise? If I lived in my past still saying “Lord, I need you,” I have failed to remember all that He has done to change my circumstances. I now must proclaim that I HAVE God, because He has proven Himself faithful. I can no longer be ashamed of who I was or what was done, because now I have a foundation to praise Him and I have a testimony. When I do not engage in this act of remembrance or praise, I am not engaging with who God actually is. He is the “I Am.” He IS love, He IS kindness, He IS hope, He IS Lord over all, and He IS my gracious forgiving Father. If we are not proclaiming this, do we actually believe it deep within our souls?
I have come to understand how risky it is to throw your hands up in worship in scary and hard circumstances. It’s risky because it is incredibly vulnerable to say “God, You have control,” when sometimes it seems like the world has control. It’s a similar feeling to blessing someone who curses you, because the favor may never be returned and if it is, you don’t know when it will come to you. You lay yourself and your own wants and needs down to engage with something that is right. Our flesh hates that. This is where the heart of faith comes, where we engage with what we truly believe and remind our souls of the I Am.
All in all, rather than judging, I am actively engaging with the Lord by praying for the heart of the person worshiping. I am laying down my flesh to see worship music for what it is, and worship leaders for what they need and where they are. I refuse to let my prideful musical side get in the way of engaging with Truth. In this comes the final point… #8. I am now taking captive every thought in order to love better, to live a life of worship and see a world beyond myself.
Go, and live a life of worship and praise, proclaiming His Deity and Sovereignty. It will bring more joy than you ever thought possible!
I pray this opens your eyes to live a life full of awe, wonder, and gratitude for what the Lord has done. For what He will do. For what is to come.
<3 Mary Beth
