Second chances turn into victories. They are an opportunity for victory, another moment to move forward, another chance to breathe in mercy. They are another multitude of seconds for proclamation of what the Lord has done, another chance to heal and another chance to press into Him as God the Father. Second chances are another moment for obedience. The irony is second chances do not just happen by chance, they happen by grace.
More Than One “Second Chance:”
The Lord spoke through my team leader at training camp and had her give me a word:
“I see a sailboat, rocking back and forth.”
Hmmmmm…. Uh huh. Sure. Wait, what?
Yeah guys, Just being real, I had no clue what it meant… until tonight.
This morning, another squad mate said God gave her a picture about my situation and my life:
Squadmate: “I see this still ocean.”
Me: (thinking internally) Okay, I love oceans. I see God in the ocean. So far so good.
SM: “I see a boat with you in it”
Me: (not remembering the word given to me at training camp) Okay, I can get on board with this.
SM: (I paraphrased this as best as I could) The water is still because that is your apathy. But then you start rocking the boat, and all of a sudden you create a ripple effect. The ripples are you choosing to go against the grain of your apathy until finally you flip the boat over. God wants you to turn the boat upside down until you’re submerged. You go deeper into the water to gain a new perspective and see new life. The ocean has amazing creatures toward the bottom of the ocean. God wants you to go deeper in faith so you can gain a new perspective of Him.
Me: “Wow. That’s amazing.”
I walked away still feeling stubborn wanting to stay out of the water and as [spiritually] dry as possible, because that’s my norm. My norm is awfully comfy.
My questions today and the last several years:
“How could I ever rock the boat? I have done so much wrong. I have failed so many times.
God, I’m not good enough. These issues are going to come back again anyway, why would I try and get over them?
They will come back and defeat me like they always have. I will have to fight against shame and believing in your love the rest of life.
I won’t actually reach the point of believing in your full love for me until I reach heaven, so why start now?
Yeah, I want to release this, but my heart doesn’t feel like giving it up yet. How am I supposed to walk in obedience if I’m going to mess it up anyway?
I’ve sinned so much. Because I’ve sinned so much, I’ve lost so much. I can’t be redeemed from that. Those relationships and situations can never go back and be fixed.
I’m responsible and therefore deserve everything that has happened to me.”
As you can see, I wrestle with grace. Though grace is so gentle, I fight to be in my dangerous normal of apathy and complacency, never hating the cycle so much that I want out. Ya’ll, these thoughts are so dangerous that I began hating myself, but I wanted to pretend I could live with it. I never admitted their damage to my soul, but instead lived in them like I could be strong enough on my own to handle these attacking, shame-inducing thoughts.
The 3 R’s
- Realize
- Receive
- Release
The story from above has another layer to it, as many do. This layer is called emotions. Boy howdy, those can be exciting/confusing/convicting/nauseating.
Last night, I was able to have a moment with God to mourn about a painful situation from my life and was thanking God for my tears. I thanked Him for the chance to mourn well, the ability to release my pain to Him through tears when my words failed me.
I don’t cry. If I do buy a tear, the Holy Spirit is working on my soul and it’s a very intimate moment with the Lord. Last night was setting me up for a deeper awakening in my soul, called realization.
Realize:
God is so wonderful, He has given me moment after moment to call me deeper in relationship with Him the last several years. Sounds like a good time right? I ignored him 98% of those times. I chose to do something not restful for my spirit because “I didn’t feel like journaling” or “I didn’t feel like praying.” Obedience is not about feeling, my friends. In fact, your feelings and flesh will go against most of the attributes the Bible teaches us to live by. Obedience.
I came to realize today that I have a wall against God because I chose not to tear it down. I had an expectation that God and I would have this crazy emotional awakening and we would live in harmony and peace all my days, then I would finally experience freedom.
Freedom is a choice. One must choose to tear walls down, even if their emotions go against it. Even if I don’t feel like it, I must PROCLAIM this over myself, that Jesus rose again and so all of us can experience freedom. Doing this every day in obedience is an important step to the process in order to be on guard against spiritual warfare. When speaking at the Last Supper, Jesus gave the invitation for the disciples to proclaim his death. He did this to also proclaim life and proclaim victory over the ways Satan tries to attack. Whether you are emotionally ready or not, all of us must still be on guard, for Satan prowls, ready to attack the weak. Besides, proclaiming the Lord’s unconditional love every day will cause the emotions to follow, but the Spirit may lead the charge, and that is perfectly okay!
Receive:
If I proclaim the Father’s love, I must receive it. If I receive the Father’s love, I must proclaim it. Again, feelings and emotions will not receive everything, but the mind will. If the mind will, the spirit will. If the spirit will, then the emotions will. This does take conscious effort. Proclamation can do wonders for the soul. Pray to receive the Father’s love, pray that it permeates your mind heart, and soul. Prayer will just seal the deal quite nicely.
God has given me words over and over again these last few years that I refused to receive, because I was stuck in the belief that I was not worthy of taking it, I was too much of a screw up. My shame covered me like a casket, encased me in a darkness where the hidden things of the earth could not get in or get out, and I was stuck. I didn’t receive because I did not rise victorious. I did not contemplate on truth. I did not give give myself (God’s creation) enough credit, so I did not give truth (also God’s creation) any credit.
Now, if you’re reading this and everything relates to you, but you feel discouraged by the effort all of this requires, take heart! I have not reached the end of this blog yet, but I pray it will encourage your soul.
Release:
This is another beast to tackle, and it’s probably the toughest one of all. If God wants to invade your heart and tear down walls, chances are you don’t feel like tearing them down, or they wouldn’t be there in the first place. Why would you want to tear down your guard, the things that has protected your heart? It’s up in the first place because you have fear and negative experiences, so God doesn’t expect you to feel like tearing them down.
Folks, doing what you “feel” all the time will bring you to the most empty and lonely place in your life. I am one who has criticized my generation for going with their feelings, but I point fingers because of my own struggles in it and I tried to hide it for so long. Here’s the deal, emotions and are a great teacher, but a terrible master. Obedience doesn’t ask you to do a task “only if you feel like it.” It asks you to just do.
I have come to the end of myself, understanding that release requires obedience. Release requires perspective. It requires belief and faith. It requires owning the identity of child of the King. Have you ever studied kings? They love delegating important tasks and they entrust servants to do work for them and spread their name and loyalty to the people. God not only calls you His servant, but His CHILD. He has adopted us into His heavenly household. In the end, choosing to believe these things requires time with the Father in prayer.
My failure to live out the 3 R’s has caused a bitterness and apathy within me that I never want to be a victim of ever again.
Victorious:
“For God did not give us a spirit of fearfulness, but of power and love and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Hey guys, I failed. Hey, I failed. DID YOU HEAR ME? I FAILED.
I’m shouting this through your screen with a different sound now, but you would never know that (because you know, inflection and linguistics).
I’m shouting through the lens of grace, unashamed to proclaim this because I cannot take on my failures, and they absolutely cannot and WILL not define me.
I have had this idea that I could never change or get better at the things I need to work on, because I allowed the past to grip my decision making. The past is like cleaning your room. Let’s pretend you have an important and stressful test coming up, so you leave a scattered papers on the shelves because you know you will need it tomorrow. Every time you walk by it, you see it but go on with your day, knowing that messy pile is contributing to your stress. Even though you know you might as well put away, you don’t and you pretend like it’s not there. You do this because last time you didn’t study so you want to remind yourself to do so (even though you know you won’t actually do it because you’re too busy with other things). Ya’ll, there’s no sense in leaving something out if your room is otherwise clean, especially if you’re not going to use it.
This is how I have treated my past. I have treated it like a mess that needs to be cleaned up, but I just walk over it until I convince myself I have enough time to clean it up. There is never enough time to clean. Your life will always get filled with some other important task, some other struggle or adult responsibility.
Because I treated it this way, I stuffed. It was out in plain sight, but near ready to be left behind, and I reminded myself of it every day so I could be prepared to fail the test and be thrown back into a crazy depression cycle that would knock me to my knees again. I was preparing myself to fall and never get up. I have had this idea that I will never get better at something, because in the past I failed to change it. In the past I failed multiple times and was disappointed in myself. I didn’t accept God’s love because I thought I would never be enough for it, never do enough.
If I believe that I am stuck in the same cycle of the past, then WHY DID JESUS GO TO THE CROSS?!
He went to the cross to proclaim VICTORY over death. This means the victory is YOURS, TOO. He wants you to proclaim his death and proclaim his victory of sin and the grave. He went to the cross to RELEASE us from sin, not to bind us to wallowing in trials. No! He wanted to bring us hope and the Holy Spirit. He wanted to give us a second chance. He wanted to encourage strength in a weak world and to break the cycle of strongholds among his people. If I believe that I deserve to stay in a shame-filled cycle of reliving the past, then I obviously don’t have enough faith in the freedom that was given at the cross.
Part of grace is correction and adjustment, not bitterness and giving up.
I challenge you:
Make a list of the things that are binding you.
Ask yourself – Have I had a moment of triumph? A moment of victory over this situation or this feeling? Even if it was for just one moment? Is every breath a second chance? Am I living today and going about my day even if this trial is happening? Am I a child of the King?
Odds are, the answer to these questions are YES.
PROCLAIM YOUR VICTORY! When you are attacked, proclaim resurrection. Proclaim freedom, even if you don’t feel it, PROCLAIM IT. Your emotions will catch up; they’re just taking a victory lap!!!
I encourage you to take ownership and stop living as a victim. You are robbing yourself of LIFE. Abundant life, life with God calling you into deeper love! Please, learn this lesson from me. I finally came to a place tonight where I recognized that I needed to take ownership of my past, ownership of my failures, and ownership of my sin. It’s time to release it and kick it back to where it came from. I have written my list, and when the past comes up again I will refer to it and proclaim victory over everything in it. I encourage you to do the same.
