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College is strange. Every year you change and grow spiritually. Every year your surroundings are different. Nothing seems to stay in it’s place and eventually, you grow tired of trying to search for the thing you don’t even know you are looking for. Then, when you find out you are going on the World Race, you begin looking at the possibilities outside of college and discover that life in Wichita, Kansas is no longer your focus. The last few months have had challenges and setbacks, but God has sought me more than I wanted Him to. He wants me in this rhythm with him, and he is filling in the missing notes.
I feel as if I have “done been blessed,” in the last few weeks. In January, I was trying to host a fundraiser and did not know where to turn. I wanted to host a swing dance, and was contacting several venues, which costed $2,000 or more. After contacting the local Swing Dance Society to join in on this fun, something unexpected happen. They were hosting an event the same weekend as mine and offered to allow me to join them, providing the venue they already paid for. The venue was the very first one I had looked into and was dead set on, so it was perfect! The Friends University Big Band also agreed to play for free that night, thanks to our jazz mom, Lisa Hittle. On Saturday, a friend of mine donated $300 to me, even though he is getting married this weekend. That same day, I won a trumpet scholarship from Lisa. The same evening, I got to hang out with some extremely inspiring Cuban women, who played alongside us for our jazz fest that weekend. I feel weights lifting, spring beginning, and a new sense of self developing. People from all over have helped me and given relentlessly. Though I feel that I have not sought the Lord these last few months, He is not allowing me to get away that easy. You cannot run from grace.
I have discovered a new idea of righteousness. During college, I have sought people’s opinions as me and deemed them as more valuable than the Lord’s. The last couple weeks, God has taught me that He deems me righteous no matter what others think. God’s will does not always look “correct” or “right” in the eyes of others, but if you are following God’s will you are more likely to experience trials that come along with such difficult decisions. Leaving the country may not seem totally feasible, and maybe a bit irresponsible. However, there is something to be discovered and that something can only be found if I step out and take a risk. If God is for me, who can be against me? Righteousness is defined only through Him. In fact, I can’t even define righteousness for others, though it is a habit for me to try. When facing adversity, it’s natural to put others in a “right” or “wrong” category. Truly, the person of peace will find that casting judgment on others no longer matters. It is the Lord’s thoughts, His judgment that does. I find my heart being humbled. I find I am able to love myself and others more through allowing the Lord to define me.
This month was one of the busiest months of my life. My mother got married and a week later my brother was married. The week after that, I had to participate in our school’s jazz festival for the weekend. I began preparations for my recital last weekend, and this weekend I am going out of town for Singing Quaker tour. I am also preparing for my Swing Dance Fundraiser in April. Yet, I felt such peace that is indescribable and realized the joy of the Lord is truly my strength. Let this be an encouragement. God will help you find your rhythm with Him, but you must be willing to allow His grace and righteousness define you. After years of feeling bogged down, stressed, and depressed I am finally finding who He created me to be again, and I have faith that His grace will carry me through this process of separating myself from college life. I can’t wait to discover what He has for me all over the world!
