These past few months I have been working on my ability to pray out loud. I would always be nervous and I still am to this day when I'm asked to pray out loud, but it is something that I'm trying to get over and look at in a different way. I had the time last month in Swaziland to analyze myself to find my weaknesses and why dig deep into why they're present. God also revealed to me in an amazing way that I need to not be so afraid when it comes to praying out loud.
My reasoning for not liking to pray out loud has nothing to do with my relationship with God, but my confidence in myself when it comes to my vocabulary. I worry constantly about being judged for saying something that might not sound very intelligent when in all reality I shouldn't even be thinking that.
After having a few talks with my team leader (Paul) he brought up to me that when praying out loud it is really just like when praying alone in your head. He said that I need to not worry about what other people think, just to pray what is on my heart, and let it flow without a care. Not too long after, I told my team about what I'm going through and that I'm trying to work on it. They were all supportive about it which was nice.
Now, to get on to the good part! God revealing to me to not be scared. One Sunday in Swaziland our contact at El Shaddai (Charmaine) had a sermon that seemed like it was speaking straight to me the entire time. She talked about many things, having faith and trusting in God completely that His plan will be done in ones life, and to not be afraid.
Some verses that she shared was 1 Timothy 4:12-16
(instructions given to Timothy)
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of scripture to preaching and to teaching. DO NOT neglect your gift, which was given to you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.
As I was reading this I was looking at it like I was a child who was scared because of not having the right words to speak. However, I should not be afraid because God wants to use me to be an example to others so that those around me can know and hear the love of God. As I was processing everything during the message I could tell it was getting close to the end so I decided to listen. Once Charmaine was done she said I'm going to have one of the missionaries pray to close us out, well out of the 12 of us who were there she asked me out of everyone. I had a feeling it was God speaking to me saying, “Mary, don't be afraid just pray to me.”
The thing that makes this story ironic is that I had met Charmaine just the night before. She was introduced to everyone who was there from AIM, which was 15 in total. We all talked to her for around 2 hours and many people asked her questions. Well a better way to put that is I just sat there and listened. She could have asked those who she knew better for they put forth the effort to talk to her, but she asked me when I just told her my name and nothing else because everyone would ask the questions I had before I spoke up.
God really does work in crazy ways all we have to do is be open and look for them. Praying out loud shouldn't be terrifying! It's a process, but I'm getting to that point. 🙂
