After many long goodbyes, a rushed few hours of packing, and a full day of flying- my ten fellow team leaders, three squad leaders & I have arrived in Antigua, Guatemala.The weather is cool, (thankfully!) and the city is breathtaking. The mist over the distant mountains is a beautiful backdrop to the colorful and historic city. Our hostel is intimate with outside walkways and vegetation covering every brightly painted wall. The rest of our squad will arrive in two days and we will stay in Antigua until next week doing training & getting ready for this month of ministry.
It’s surreal. I’m actually on the World Race! We walked through the city a few moments ago, and as I watched women selling fruit to passerby’s and motorcycles zoom down the street, I couldn’t believe this is & will be life for the next year.
It’s been quite the journey to get to this place though. God did some beautiful and powerful things in my life at training camp, and it was all well and good to say I was willing to lay down my expectations & entitlements at camp, but it’s been a different story actually doing it. These past two months have been about experiencing what sacrifice feels like and of what counting the cost really means. I have had things so dear to me be stripped away and struggled in moments when I didn’t want to leave at all for the Race–moments of quality time with treasured friends and family that I wasn’t willing to let go of for a year. I’ve realized how tightly I cling to relationships -both old & the possibility of new-and all of a sudden I found myself releasing my hold of God’s hands and not wanting to follow where He was leading me.
Praise the Lord for His grace & faithfulness though, because in these moments of fears and apprehension & doubt, God has faithfully remind me that this is where He has me. I truly do believe that with all my heart. He wants me on this journey to see more clearly His face and His heart. There are people He wants me to meet and show His love to. There are people & situations He wants to use to challenge me and mold me. He wants to romance me. He is stripping me down to the core and showing me He is all I need.
I realized this nugget of gold today -or last night- at the LA airport when I saw my pack (what will hold everything I own for the year) rolling down the conveyer belt with half of it ripped to shreds. What was I going to do?? I wasn’t even 4 hours into the World Race and my “life & safely net� was gone. Tears of exhaustion and hopelessness was m y only response. Of course I called home & with reassuring wisdom they reminded me the only thing I can put complete and utter faith in is Jesus Christ. Seeing life through His eyes and not my own is what I need to long for. Through my own perspective, I felt hopeless & alone in the LA airport, but God is so much bigger than my own fears and troubles, and is so near to those He loves. I felt His nearness and understood then that He is all that matters and my hope and security should be given to no one (or nothing) but Him. So here I am Lord, having followed you from home & comfort to the unknown. This is life. Sitting on a bed in Guatemala listening to the rain splash on the tin roof with my insides swirling around with nerves, excitement, and extreme exhaustion-this is life. Inside of me also is a strong, reassuring trust that I’m throwing this next year of life into the loving hands of my Savior. It feels like I’m jumping head-first into a dark chasm and all I have is trust in my Father that He has a beautiful plan for that fall. Lord, ripped bags & all I am ready to jump in after you.
