When I am overwhelmed,
you alone know the way I should turn.
|| Psalm 142:3 (NLT)
When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who watch over my way.
|| Psalm 142:3 (NIV)
Reflecting on this verse, I acknowledge that God truly is the only one who knows which way I should and will go. He is the one who watches over and remains in full control. And that is my comfort and assurance. I’m realizing now that the reason for that isn’t just in the truth of His sovereign and constant presence, but because I see that in His sovereignty and mercy, He knows that it is when I am overwhelmed and my spirit is faint that I can do nothing else but watch as He reveals Himself to be the God that He is.
When I am not overwhelmed and I feel “robust”, I more or less feel in control. I’m steady. Which also means I’m relying 99% on myself.
Because God knows me and my nature so thoroughly, He knows to push me to that point of feeling overcome and helpless and desperate. It is a constant exercise of learning to surrender my control and my “plans” and my “power” and my ideals.
It is frustrating – my obtuse self. But it is also achingly comforting and humbling – His infinite capacity to show me grace, in continuing to put me through those exercises, instead of throwing in the towel.
Jesus, be my Way, my Guide, and my Destination.
