Pain is never fun. It is never welcomed, never enjoyed, and never celebrated. In fact, I would say that much of my life is centered upon the drive to avoid pain (and/or discomfort) at all possible costs (I am, for the most part, referring to non-physical pain). This is nothing new – I have known this about myself for some years now.
What is a little new is discovering that the pain of wounded pride may be what is most repulsive to me. The realization is beginning to set in a little more, because I’m finding that this discovery always feels a little new. Probably because I dislike what it suggests about me, so I quickly dig a hole and bury it back up. So each time it’s this surprise: “Oh, I have a lot more pride than I thought! What? =O” (You have my permission to join me in rolling your eyes at my foolishness)
It is very easy for me to think “Yes, okay. I can do that. That’s what I’ll do.” whenever I hear teachings on humbling myself before the Lord, submitting to His authority and surrendering my claim to apology or justice or entitlement or coddling. But when the moment of truth hits, I find myself screaming “I cannot do this.” Because it is pain. It is a physical pain to swallow my pride, to admit my sin, to repent.
A recent incident illuminated this fact about me to me, soberly & indisputably. Epitome of not fun. The struggle between my spirit and my flesh was real. And usually, I choose my flesh and let it win (aka but I’m the real loser, oh the irony). But God, in His great and gentle grace, empowered my spirit. And I realized yet again, that that’s really what it is. Relying on His strength, not my own willpower. When it’s my own efforts, it’s merely a repressing and covering up, which is just gross. But when I turn to Jesus and depend on Him to do it, the pain becomes good. Because the nasty and the yuck is being drawn out, and replaced with His good.
Aka, this quote:
Edmund: So, what was it like… when Aslan changed you back?
Eustace: No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do it myself. Then he came towards me. It sort of hurt, but… it was a good pain. You know, like when you pull a thorn from your foot.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (Movie version)
Pretty sure there will still be many-a-moment when I decide to be a big baby about pain and discomfort and inconvenience. But by Jesus’ grace and strength, I hope to keep walking through the refiner’s fire, and be changed. Endure the good pain of being sanctified & transformed & made to look more like who God intended me to be – a reflection of His beautiful Son.
So ready (in a not-ready kind of way) for this year, this life, with Jesus!! BRING IT.
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Still striving to reach the 2nd deadline of $7,500 before Launch! Deadline is August 19th, so any and every amount of giving is so appreciated. Please continue to pray for me in every aspect of preparation, that I may leave well, which in turn will help me to begin the race well. And as you pray for the Lord’s continual provision over my funds as well as materials, please prayerfully consider partnering with me and investing (financially & spiritually) in the Kingdom. Monthly supporters would be especially amazing to have, so if that is something you have any inclination toward, do inquire of the Lord & follow His prompting, should He give it!
Thank you so much in Christ <3
