Training Camp.
Let’s see if I can put into words all the emotions that came with camp.
Heading to Gainesville, GA I was filled with a tremendous amount of excitement, but also so much unease. How in the world was I about to spend 10 days with 53 other people that I had never met before? Not only spending time with them, but actually being vulnerable with each and every one of them. The crazy thing is, God took my unease and was able to give me a whole new family.
The first night we were so eager to spend time with each other (learning names…. sorry to the peeps that I still mess up on) and find out what to expect at training camp. During our first session we were told to turn off our phone and not to get on them until we left camp. I was actually really pumped about that rule because my phone annoys me sometimes, plus my phone died. Also, we learned we would be having exercise at 6 in the morning… I thought I was going to die. Not a morning person and no coffee. As it turns out reading different blogs about camp does nothing to help prepare you; so all future racers reading this just go in with an open mind.
Our days were usually packed full of sessions, personal time, squad time, and field scenarios. The sessions during the first few days were extremely hard for me. He showed me things about myself I didn’t even know were actual issues. God broke me on those days. I’ve always known that I suppress my emotions in every situation that I’m put in, but he revealed to me just how much pain and hurt I have suppressed. I didn’t want to show these strangers, that I just met, all my emotions. A lot of insecurities started to form as well, “were they going to like me after they saw the real broken Mary Jane?” or “ are they going to judge me?” BUT God had a different plan for me, a more freeing plan. I ended up crying more in those first few days than I probably have ever cried in my life. My eyes were constantly red and swollen. Dealing with all my emotions was very foreign to me and I wasn’t sure how to fix what was going on inside my heart. I had to nowhere to escape; I had to learn how to sit in the silence. That’s were I leaned more on prayer and journaling. I’m glad that God broke me though, if He didn’t I would never have let him truly put my heart back together. The sessions that wrecked my world were about our identity, forgiveness, grief, and shame.
Now let me tell you about my favorite part of training camp.
Field Scenarios!!!!
These were situations that were designed to take us out of our comfort zone and forced us to let go of our control. I’m not going to lie every time I looked at the schedule and saw field scenario I would have a short moment of panic. We never knew what to expect, but we always ended up have the best times bonding as a squad. That is why field scenarios were my favorite part of camp. I loved getting to know and forming deep lasting relationship with people on my squad. A few scenarios were: the airline losing half of our squad’s packs (which was them putting their packs on a tarp for the night), sleeping in communities tents, prayer and worship from 11pm-6am, and having a 12 hour layover in an airport (which was us sleeping in the training center).
My overall favorite part wasn’t actually a field scenario, but more of our squad coming together in unity. We were told to pack our big packs for an over night trip at the state park. Plot twist we weren’t allowed to bring our tents. They gave us tarp, rope, our water coolers, and dinner for the night as well as breakfast for in the morning. Once we got dropped off at our campground we broke up into teams: shelter building, fire crew, cooks, and the organizers. Each team did a fabulous job! Our house for the night was amazing, pretty sure there were some boy scouts in the shelter building team. After our shelter was built the organizing team figured out how to make 54 sleeping pads/ bags fit inside. The cooks made the most delicious chicken I have ever eaten,but they couldn’t have done that without our remarkable fire crew. Once all was settled and bellies were full we gathered around the fire for a little bit of worship, side note we have the most incredible musicians on our squad. While we were listening to Natalie sing I looked around at my squad and it hit me like a ton of bricks that we are no longer strangers doing this crazy thing called the World Race, we were a family grounded in God’s grace, love, and truth living our lives with purpose. Soon following that realization Austin, a guy on my squad, lead us into a time of listening to the Holy Spirit move. That opened a safe place for anyone on the squad to talk about past and current hurts and struggles. Then as a squad we were able to pray over each person’s hurts and pain that the enemy was trying to use to destroy their spirit. It was the most humbling experience of my life. We ended the night by singing Amazing Grace and once again I cried my eyes out. For all who don’t know that song has a deep deep place in my heart because it was the song played at my dad’s funeral. I haven’t enjoyed listening to that song since my dad’s funeral because it hurt too much, but singing it with my squad while having our arms locked together swaying back and forth under the stars, around a camp fire, after so many shared their struggle was breath taking. I don’t have a sad image associated with that song anymore. I have an image of my perfectly imperfect squad.
There were a few stories from my training camp experience. That was not all of them, but I didn’t want to bore everyone with a super long blog, even though this came out to be longer than I expected. There is more to come so make sure you keep your eyes out for them. Like always feel free to ask questions!
