Then I start thinking about God’s faithfulness and the fact that I know He has called me to go on this mission at this time. I think of the first two deadlines in which He provided the money at the very last minute (the day of) and remember that nothing is impossible for Him. He has proven himself time and time again and I know he will do it this time.
My mind makes it back around and recalls that it is over 2 weeks past the deadline and I still need $650. It kind of hurts, you know? There are people on my squad who are $650 or less from being fully funded! That is $15,500 and I am struggling to get $6,500. I know that there are plenty of people on my squad who are not nearly that far along and barely made the deadline, but as far as I know, I am the only person who still has not raised enough money to be able to launch on January 8, 2013. It really hurts deep down in my soul. Of course it makes me wonder why. Did I not do enough or try hard enough? Do I not deserve to go on the trip? Did I really hear God right?
No! That is not how it works. For one, it is God who raises the money, not me. I feel like I have been obedient so the rest is up to God. I have even put Him to the test:
“Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to
the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for
you a blessing until there is no more need.”
~Malachi 3:10
Please do not think I am trying to make myself look good – I just want to show that I have tested God like He says to. I have given my tithe and then some. I have given until it hurts.
I am waiting God, for you to pour open the floodgates of heaven and rain down on me. How long must I wait for you to meet my need? I have waited and waited and waited. I don’t know what else to do. Please don’t disappoint, Lord. Show everyone that you are faithful and make good on your promises. Don’t do this for me, do it to display your power to the world. Keep me from despairing and give me the strength to carry on and follow hard after you. Amen.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.”
~Psalm 42:11
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.”
~Psalm 40:1-3
“As for me, I am poor and needy,
but the Lord takes thought for me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
do not delay, O my God!”
~Psalm 40:17
