This morning I started reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. Having always been a fan of Lewis, it didn't take long for me to boldly announce to my team how much I loved the book (fifteen pages in). So while I am sure I will make a few more references as I read along, I wanted to start by sharing an analogy that – in it's simplicity – blew me away.
The context is distinguishing nearness to God:
"Let us suppose that we are doing a mountain walk to the village which is our home. At mid-day we come to the top of a cliff where we are, in space, very near it because it is just below us. We could drop a stone into it. But as we are no cragsmen we can't get down. We must go a long way round; five miles, maybe. At many points during that detour we shall, statically, be farther from the village than we were when we sat above the cliff. But only statically. In terms of progress we shall be far 'nearer' to our baths and teas."
If you are someone who just skims my blogs (no offense taken, promise) then at the very least, please go back and re-read that analogy. In fact, even if you read my blogs carefully, take a moment and just re-read it.
I want to just take a few minutes to tell you why this analogy has struck me so much.
About two weeks ago in Trujillo, Peru, I was right there on that cliff. I felt so close to God.
An excerpt from my journal after revisiting the Parable of the Prodigal Son sums up the way I was feeling:
"I am a daughter. I don't define what that looks like – God does. What Christ did on the cross defines who I am. He said 'It is finished' (John 19:30) and what that means is that there is nothing I can do to make it 'more finished'. 'It is finished' means that the penalty for my sins is paid. I don't work it off. I don't make it better. What I need to do is come before the Lord ready, willing, and able to receive. God's blessings are made full and complete when I receive them. God is. He is the I Am. Time doesn't affect his character. Similarly, God is self-sufficient – he doesn't need anything from me. Therefore, the gifts, grace, blessings, love, everything he gives me is a gift (undeserved) out of his pure love for me."
Now, those of you who have heard and believe the Gospel are probably saying to yourselves "Uh oh, she's calling herself a missionary and she is just now getting this?"
My response is that I believe we understand a little more of the Gospel every single day. Every time we hear it. It never gets old and it never becomes something to move beyond.
When I was writing in my journal that night, even though I've heard it all a hundred times, it was as though I was understanding it for the first time. I felt this incredible freedom and joy that I had never experienced before. Just ask my team. I went on a solid 15 minute spiel about how amazing God's love is and how awesome it is that we can be called children of God. And on, and on, and on. I was right there on that cliff – the village was so clearly in sight.
Then we arrived in Bolivia. Enter the detour.
From the moment we arrived I felt lost. I wasn't connecting to my team the way that I had in months prior. I wasn't being knocked over by God's faithfulness in answering my "Ask the Lord" prayers. I was having a hard time even remembering why I was on the World Race in the first place. Talk about a major detour.
And then came Sunday, today. My team and I spent about an hour searching for a church we had found on a map only to call it a day, head back to the hostel, and listen to a sermon while eating lunch. This is when a path began to appear along my detour.
In a nutshell, the sermon we listened to discussed the ways we try to fit God into our lives. Trying to tell God the way that we think things should be done. As if we know better! I realized that is what I had been doing this past week: thinking that God wasn't showing up just because it didn't look the way I thought it should. Thinking that God wasn't near if I couldn't "see" him.
Then, as I am reading this book (fifteen pages in, I remind you) I have this realization that God did not give me a glimpse of the village only to push me in the complete opposite direction. And while I may not feel like I am right there every moment, I am on a greater journey to the ultimate destination: nearness to God. This is a journey that is not always going to easy and may not always have a clear path. But as long as I keep my eyes fixed on Christ and who I am in Christ, I will never be lost.
Now I can confidently say that I am happy to be on whatever detour God has ahead. As awesome as the view from the cliff may be, as long as I sitting on that cliff I'm not moving closer to him.
So, here's to a month (and a lifetime) of walking closer to God!
