Bear with me here as I reference Center Stage, a dance movie that was released in 2000. I understand there are 3 options here…
1. You are a female around my age (or you have a daughter around my age) and you just did a bit of reminiscing.
2. You have no idea what movie I’m talking about.
3. You have maybe heard of it, but you’re definitely rolling your eyes… I get it, but I danced, so I thought it was the best movie ever at the time! 🙂
There is a scene towards the end of the movie when the epitome of the perfect ballerina (Maureen) bails out of the most important performance of her career and confronts her mom (Nancy) about the lie she has been living.
Nancy: But it’s your dream. You just don’t give up on your dream.
Maureen: It’s your dream, and it matters more to you than anything ever did to me, so I did it, but I can’t any more.
Nancy: I know what regret feels like, and I don’t want that for you.
Maureen: That’s what ballet would be… a life of wishing that I found something I loved, instead of something I just happened to do well. I’m not you, Mom. You didn’t have the feet. I don’t have the heart.
Yes, I’m certain that my then 14-year-old self did not understand the magnitude of a moment like this, but now, at 29, I totally get it. Maureen was brave and extremely courageous to make the choice to step away from something she had a gift for, something she did so well because her heart wasn’t in it.
Yes, this is just a movie, and I haven’t seen it in years, but as I was driving home from my “working weekend” at the beach, this scene popped into my head because I can relate to how Maureen feels. Teaching, at least for this next season of my life, would be a life of wishing that I were doing something I loved, instead of something I just happened to do well. God has lead my heart elsewhere, so I’m stepping out in complete faith that He has something better for me ahead.
Please don’t get me wrong; I’m in no way saying I’ll never teach again because for many years, that is exactly where my heart was, and it is very likely that I will teach in some capacity while on the World Race. I absolutely love children and being of service to others, but God wants to open my eyes to something else through the World Race, and I’m excited to see what that is.
I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people who support me and my decision to go on the World Race, but there have been a couple of conversations that were really tough. (Seriously, I’ve only had two conversations that really caught me off guard- I’m telling you, I’m crazily blessed!)
“What about your students? They need you.” I absolutely understand there are needs right here at home; there is mission work within my grasp in Charlotte. My decision to go on the World Race has nothing to do with my wants and my desires, but it has everything to do with God and His plan, not mine.
“This sounds like a really cool vacation!” I did not commit to the World Race so I could go on a “really cool” vacation for 11 months- Living out of a backpack, sleeping in a tent, taking cold showers, seeing heartbreaking poverty with my own eyes, and not being able to talk to or see my family and friends whenever I want or need to is not my idea of a vacation.
“Don’t ask me for money because I don’t have any.” Everyone that is a part of my life won’t feel called to support me financially. Supporting me financially is something I want people to prayerfully consider, it is not required. I fully trust that if this is God’s plan for me, He will provide. Needing the financial support of others to live for 11 months is very humbling. The money I raise covers my medical insurance, travel expenses, food, etc. Supporting me financially is not for everyone, and that’s okay!
I committed to the World Race because after a lot of prayer, God was asking me to trust Him, so I am. He is sending me into the world to be HIS hands and HIS feet, but I also know that God can do this without me, but I cannot do this with Him.
When I am unable, HE is able. When I am weak, HE is strong. When I don’t understand, HE does. When I am unsure of the future, HE is in control and knows exactly what is next. At the end of the day, HE is all that remains.
My prayer, perfectly summed up, is this…
Adventures in Missions was established in 1989. They have sent out over 100,000 missionaries into the world to further God’s Kingdom. The World Race is only one of AIM’s programs.
Joyfully yours,
Mary Catherine
