I have just over 4 months until I launch in my World Race! Which is exciting, awesome, and I can’t wait…BUT. Yes there’s a huge BUT. I am also leaving so many people behind and that is hard to comprehend.
For the past 5+ years I have wanted to move, travel, and live beyond my little city in Nova Scotia. I wanted to see the world, love the hurting and check out of Halifax. I have applied to jobs far away, made pipe dream plans to do foreign missions, and longed to be anywhere but here.
Oh how things have changed. Now…I AM going to SEE the world, LOVE the hurting and LEAVE good ‘ole Halifax behind. And I’m heartbroken about it.
From the moment I submitted my application I began to think about how much I would miss home. My fears about doing the World Race mostly focus on the fact that I won’t BE HERE. I worry about the time I will miss here with my family. I’ll miss a year of BEING here with my nieces and nephews. I am scared my friendships will never be the same. I fear I just won’t fit when I come home.
The TRUTH is I won’t be the same. My younger nieces and nephews won’t remember that I was gone. People will grow and change. The TRUTH is life won’t be the same.
But I can’t help but ask myself:
- Do I want to be the same person when I come back?
- Do I want things at home to stay the same?
- Do I want things to ‘go back to normal’ when I come home?
And NO, no I don’t! I want God to change the way I see the world. I want things to be different. I want to do life differently.
To recap…
…I have ALWAYS wanted to go, but it was never the time.
…Then God says go and I say yes…then realized that’s terrifying.
…And now I must surrender that fear and step into what God is calling me to.
FYI: This will probably not be my only blog titled “Missing Home”.
