My life as a new mom

Tired. Sweaty. Covered in spit up and smelling like diapers. My first night with Cedric earlier this week had left me exhausted and questioning. Is this what I flew around the world to do? Spend 6 to 12 hour shifts caring for an 2 month old little boy, isolated in a tiny orphanage room? What about telling people about Jesus? What about feeding the thousands of starving people right outside the front gate?

Let me back up the story just a bit and give you a little background. Cedric is an 8 week old infant who was dropped off at the Children’s Home here in Cainta 2 weeks ago because his family couldn’t afford to feed him. He was extremely malnourished, had a hernia, jaundice, pneumonia, a heart murmur, and numerous other health complications. Obviously, as soon as he arrived at KIM, he was rushed to the hospital to receive the medical attention he so desperately needed. That’s where the 6 of us ladies, 3 from Team X-Stream and 3 from Team Liberators, stepped in to help, dividing up the 24 hour shifts at the hospital, and eventually the Children’s Home, amongst ourselves.

I had read James 1:27 about a thousand times before I left for the Race two weeks ago, and I could quote it to you without blinking: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” But I guess I had an idea in my head of what this would look like, and it definitely didn’t include waking up every hour throughout the night for a feeding, burping, and diaper change. I was run down and worn out…much like, I’m sure, how every new mom feels.

As I rocked Cedric late into the night, I began to ask God to break my heart for what breaks His. A dangerous prayer, I knew, but something I desired to taste in the midst of my frustration. And let me tell you, if you pray a prayer like that, the Lord will answer it quite swiftly. My heart began to swell as I held that precious baby boy to my chest, listening to him gurgle and sigh as he fell asleep in my arms, God hollowing out a space beneath my sternum and filling it with liquid love for His son, this infant He created in His image.

But of course, where there was such an intense outpouring of love, there was brokenness soon to follow. Last night Cedric was readmitted to the hospital, this time to the ICU, because of a relapse of his pneumonia. I can’t even begin to describe what my heart felt like when I realized that there is a possibility that my sweet baby boy might not make it through. I know my God is a Healer, and I know that He hears the cries of His children, but His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways, so I have to trust Him regardless of the outcome. God filled me with love for His child, to the point where Cedric feels like my own child, and is now breaking my heart for what breaks His: orphans in distress.

I realized that while our ministry here may be far from glamorous, it is necessary because it is what my God’s heart is breaking over. The Lord is showing me yet again that things are not as they should be. Children should not be dying of malnourishment, families should not have to give up their babies because they can’t afford to care for them, orphanages should not exist, because every child should have a home. And Satan prowls the Earth, looking for those to devour.

But I know that my God is good, whether He heals Cedric or takes him safely home into His arms. Pray for Team X-Stream and Team Liberators as we take over our first 12 hour shift with Cedric tonight. Pray for healing over Cedric’s tiny body and ask the Lord to restore Him to full health. Pray for stamina for our teams as this has been an emotionally draining day. Pray for the funding to come in to pay for Cedric’s hospital bills. Pray that our teams would have the eyes to see where God can use us to usher in healing, both in Cedric and in the many hurting people we will encounter at the hospital.

I promise you that He will.