I’m sitting here, sipping hot water & pink himalayan salt (because my mom said it helps with headaches,) thinking about how to put into words my time on the race so far and what I have been learning. I have only written one blog since I’ve been on the field because really, I just don’t know how to put orderly words to my life right now. Here’s my best shot, TIA for hanging in and reading through the mild chaos.
The last month and a half God has been stirring things up in me. He has been giving me revelation and opening my eyes to see the beauty that is always right in front of me. He is teaching me about trust, and about the depths of trust that I have yet to discover- that He is inviting me to explore.
It has been so good. Like most good things, it has also been hard and I have had to work for it. I have failed several times, and been caught by a beautifully woven web of His boundless grace and mercy.
Trust is a funny thing.
I thought I had learned about trusting God the first time I went on the race. I learned to trust in His provision and that He would make everything work together for good because I was where He called me. I learned to trust Him with the people that I love, and my future. I learned to trust that He was the healer, the fixer, the justifier.
I didn’t realize that there was more, that there were deeper levels of trust that God had for me to walk into in my relationship with Him. I didn’t know then, that as I learned to trust Him, I would get to know Him and all the facets of His character better.
I am beginning to understand that trust is an all encompassing thing, and as we choose more trust, we choose more life. It’s a huge part of how He calls us to live our lives, and a definite path that we either choose or don’t choose to walk down. Trusting Him has lead me to this wild adventure of a life, to places of vulnerability that I didn’t know I could uncover, to find discernment in my decisions, to a stronger faith.
Squad leading isn’t really anything like I imagined it. I came back for another round of the World Race with lots of expectation; expectation of growth and a hope to be impactful in the lives of the racers I am leading. I was excited for ministry, building relationships with our contacts, and falling in love with new people and places. I have gotten to do all of that, but it looks different. I have a different perspective and new responsibilities. I don’t get to just do the Race for me; this time I have 49 thirsty sons and daughters of God who I am racing for.
I will trust
Here in the mystery
I will trust
In you completely
[Heroes- Brave New World, Amanda Cook]
I have a front row seat to the struggle and the victory, the adventures and the refinement of the people of Gap D. God is teaching me such discernment in watching and praying for, versus stepping in and speaking and trying to help out of my own strength and knowledge- because He knows better than me, and His ways are better than my own. He is teaching me to trust Him completely, and it is a beautiful process to watch Him stay true to His promises every time. I have been entrusted with stories of people’s pasts, I have become privy to some of the deepest wounds and hardships that they have encountered, and He is teaching me to trust that He is the healer, the granter of freedom, and an Almighty Comforter for for His children.
Let me tell you, it is beautiful. And crazy. In my last blog, I wrote about finding a balance, and that journey is continuing. There is this security that I find in knowing- and believing- that I am really too small to ever deter His plans, but also an awesome fear in knowing that He has given me responsibility and impact in the lives of these racers, as well as in the ministries we are working with.
I am so thankful for this crazy commitment that I made to do this for 9 months, and a little bit in shock that 2 months have already passed! Saturday we will hop on a couple busses and head over to Cambodia for our last month in Asia; we were originally supposed to be here for 3 months but we got a little surprise route change. This could be dangerous, as I really wanted to adopt at least 7 kids last time I was in Cambodia…
If you’re praying for me and my squad, or would like to, here are some ways: Praise for the work that He is doing in our hearts and those of the people we’re living with and ministering to. Prayers for health- we’ve experienced a lot of sickness in these first two months, and a lot of it is ongoing. For safety as we travel to Cambodia and South Africa, in the last week and a half the safety of my squad has been heavy on me. Big thanks for your support and love.
Also, the pink Himalayan salt worked. Thanks Mom.
*Fundraising update: only 1,085 away from being fully funded. I love seeing how the body of Christ works so well together. It’s truly incredible how I don’t have to worry because I know that He provides abundantly when I am in His will.
