Easter Sunday, 2008…Cochabamba, Bolivia…
Today after church, I boarded a different bus from the other World Racers, I thought the “M” bus was jammed full, and heard someone say we’ll just hop on this “U” bus, so I did. Unfortunately nobody else did, and the bus roared off. Alone in the bus (alone-ness is an odd feeling on the World Race, normally you feel constantly surrounded), I watched for landmarks as we roared up the hill…and up the hill further…and up the hill further. I knew soon that I had missed my stop, but wasn’t sure where. At the end of the bus route, I was told something in Spanish, and was hurded to a different bus that was headed back down the hill, and I used the 5 broken spanish words I kind of know to make a crappy attempt to explain where I was wanting to be, of which the driver nodded and drove off. As we rolled down the hill, I still knew that something wasn’t right, so off the bus I went, disappointed in my sense of direction (afterall, I had been in the area for 36 hours!) I attempted to ask for a different bus letter…and boarded the “O” bus….alone…up the hill…and missed the stop yet again, and went up to the top of the hill…the end of that bus route. Again, hurded to another bus that would take me down the hill, I saw it…the house that is a landmark that I’m close to where I’m supposed to be…I got off, and started walking up the road to where I felt like I was supposed to be…but still nothing seemed right, it seemed as though the roads all went in one direction…the wrong way. Alone, I climbed the hill, finding the right road and roaming up the hill, slowly realizing that it had taken me 2 hours to make a 15 minute trip! I walked up to our temporary residence while here in Cochabamba, and quickly ate lunch, as we were leaving in a few minutes to go sightseeing.
At 2:00, we left to go see what we refer to as the Christo (a real real large statue of Jesus). We took yet another bus, and ended up at a paved trail, so we took it to where the trail head started, and some started up the hiking trail and others started around the side of the mountain to catch the shuttle-like thing that takes you up the side of the mountain to the statue…of course, I want the challenge and head up the trail, encouraged by others. As we walked up, I quickly felt the effect of the altitude we were at, huffing and puffing…but of course, I continued on, as I had a goal in sight…it’s not that far up! I quickly realized that everyone in the group had fled up the hill much quicker than I was, and saw them way off in the distance, still climbing. I took out my camera, took a moment to enjoy the view of the city, catch my breath (as much as you can at this altitude), and get a quick drink of water. I splashed down some water, and quickly realized that I was only falling further and further behind, and attempted to pick up the pace. I lost sight of everyone, and again, felt alone. The next sight I had of my hiking buddies was when I came around a bend in the trail, and looked up, seeing them taking a break way up the mountain under a shade tree…I looked down and saw our starting point, I figured I was 1/2 way up the mountain…and I was fairly tired, but still had it in me to make it…so I quickly chugged some water and put the rubber of my shoes to the trail and headed up even further. It was somewhere in that range that I heard the call from above to head on, I hadn’t made it to that point, and they were headed on…discouraged, I said a little prayer of “God, please give me energy to make it up without dying!” and headed on. It wasn’t until much later that I really felt the effect of the sun, the altitude, my out of shape-ness, and discouragement, and made it to the shade tree they were sitting under much earlier. I sat there on a rock, catching my breath, thinking to myself…maybe I should head back down now, it’s easier going down, if I take my time they’ll catch up to me, they won’t miss me there anyway, I can’t make it to the top, I should go back down, enjoy the sights, and go some other day to the machine that takes me to the top. I saw other hikers coming up the mountain, and looked toward the top…it’s still quite a ways, but that’s ok, I’m going for it…I didn’t come here to wuss out, I’m going the distance! I started off and quickly realized that the steepest part of the hill was in front of me, and my legs already hurt. I continued on, alone, and working as hard as I could…I was definitely at the end of myself and my power, and the day was not going to get the best of me. I got to one point where I could NOT go another step…yet I could not NOT go another step as well. I took a short break and said another desperate prayer to make it up the mountain, and pushed on up the mountain…alone. I heard the people at the top, which gave me the encouragement I needed to go another 5 minutes until I felt the weight of the world on me yet again…but I wasn’t giving up. I got to where I saw the top of the hill, the point where I saw the stone fence, and the opening where you walk through, and once again, I shot off that prayer of desparation…God, PLEASE give me a little more energy! I made it. I looked around and didn’t see anyone right away…did they forget about me altogether? No, they were on the other side, just barely out of my sight. A short cheer from someone, and I sat down on a ledge, resting and huffing/puffing/drinking water. I sat there, glad I had concurred the task.
I took the machine back to the bottom with the rest of the hikers, and walked back around the mountain to the trail that we had origonally taken to the trail head. As I walked, I saw an ant carrying a huge piece of bread, probably 1,000x the area of his body. The ant was carrying it and carrying it, working as hard as it could to make it back to the ant hill…there was no other ant in sight…the ant was alone. I though about it, and thought of how the ant would get back to the ant hill and have to climb up the hill alone with the weight of the bread on it’s back, so I felt sorry for it and of course, I smashed it. I had felt that pain earlier in the day, after working all day, I realized that the hardest part was the end, I wanted to be smashed so that I wouldn’t have to do the last little bit, the hardest part…I had spared the ant the hardest parts of it’s journey.
I felt alone, and darn it, I was entitled to companionship. I deserved it. I nearly stayed back because of the bus trip and how alone I felt then, but went because I wanted to be around people, I didn’t want to be alone all day at the house. Instead, I was alone, in Bolivia, on the side of a mountain…and learned that it’s ok sometimes to be alone. I have met many people this year that strive for any kind of companionship, yet I continue to feel that I deserve more than they have…WHY??? I’m not entitled to it…the ant? unfortunately, it’s no longer going to enjoy the celebration at the ant hill…did my feelings of being entitled to companionship lead me to step on the ant so that the ant didn’t feel the same abandoned feelings? Possibly…and if so, my issues with entitlement led to me killing the ant that was bringing the entire colony of ants food, so the entire colony suffered because of my selfishness. It’s that way with us as a Christian body. When one of the body feels entitled to something more than what God is giving us, the rest of us suffer.
PS…Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my teammates and the people around me, I’ve gotten so used to being surrounded by people now that I don’t know what to do when they aren’t around!!!!!!!!
