For those of you who know me, or those who tried to follow my blog while I was on the race, you probably already know I have struggled with writing.
So I sat down this week to journal in an attempt to figure out why writing is such a struggle…
I struggle to write, even in a journal; because once my thoughts are put on a page they are tangible.
They can be seen, held.
They are no longer protected within myself.
However, these thoughts are not in jeopardy when placed on a page… I AM!
These words will stand alone when shared with you all. I can add nothing to them. And in reading them you will have a little piece of who I am.
I struggled to write in fear of what you might think about me because of what I wrote.
I was afraid.
Afraid of what you thought,
Afraid of being wrong,
Of looking foolish,
Afraid
Afraid you wouldn’t agree with me
Afraid you wouldn’t like me
But on reflection I am finding that this man, I am, who struggles to write, for fear of thought, is not a man who is walking in grace.
He cares too much what others think.
Is afraid to be wrong and afraid to look weak.
Afraid
What if, instead of being concerned with myself in all of this, I was concerned for you?
What if, instead of fear, I wrote trying to show you more of my heart!
This heart that God has changed.
What if I wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable?
God Himself was made vulnerable.
God chose to be vulnerable in making us.
By creating us with free will He had to put Himself out there. Knowing that some people would hurt Him, reject Him. His words would be misunderstood. He did this knowing that many people wouldn’t agree with Him.
But He made us this way anyway.
He saw that the risk of being vulnerable was worth it.
So I want to challenge you all to be vulnerable. Let the world see your heart.
God changed your heart so the world could see it!
Let them see a person who isn’t afraid to love.
A person who isn’t afraid to be wrong…because there is GRACE and there is love.
I love you all
