Excited?

Are you excited to go to Haiti?

 

This has been the question that’s got me squirming in the days since deciding to go. Honestly, I don’t yet know how to answer that, but I’m going to try anyway. Here’s what first goes through my mind – the people of Haiti are digging their parents, their children, and their friends out from under buildings just to know they’re really dead. Some won’t find the people they’ve lost, will never get proper closure, and will always have that nagging thought that they could still be alive somewhere that won’t allow them to carry on. Many can’t work, can’t rebuild, and don’t know what’s next or if there is a next at all. For most, things are desperate.

 

I’ve been in countries that were just recovering after being at war for decades,
and I’ve been in countries that are still trying to find their way
after mass social injustices were visited upon them. I’ve been in Cambodia where both of those statements apply. In those situations, there was a steady pit of despair in
my stomach knowing how long the road to recovery would still be for the
people I’d met and loved there. All of those places  were years
after the initial wound was dealt, and I still felt that way.

 

Haiti, on the other hand, still lies in ruins. Haiti has
only begun to mourn. Haiti still bleeds. And I’m going there.

 

So in thinking all of that, being asked if I’m excited to go to Haiti feels like being asked if I’m excited to stay with a friend for a few months while they do chemo therapy. Going to Haiti will mean mourning with Haiti and watching them go through all of this, and it’s going to hurt. That said, there are things I’m looking forward to: I will see healing, in every sense of the word; seeing first hand what God is doing in Haiti; I’m absolutely ecstatic, to the point of crying for joy, at how many are turning TO Him in this painful time, and I’m humbled and honored that He has put me in a place to be a part of that. Above all, there is the sense that I couldn’t be doing anything else – it’s where my spirit is pulling me, and by that there is a quickening in my blood driving me to do, with great determination, all that God is setting before me. I am anticipating great things for God’s kingdom to come out of all this, and also for Haiti. And amidst all those different emotions, there I dwell.

 

So…if anyone has a word for all of that, let me know, cause I could sure use a shorter response to the question.