So this month there has been no shortage of sickness, terrible dreams, or things from my past attacking me to make me feel worthless. All last week I was sick, and I could barely get out of bed, it was horrible. Along with this, I have been diving into the hurt from my past, and trying to walk into the confidence that is Christ. Working on becoming the man that God has called me to be, and it has been a fight to get there because the enemy doesn’t want me to get there.
A couple of days ago one of my squad leaders prayed for me, and by the end of the prayer I literally felt things that were attached to me since I was a kid lift away. I felt the holy spirit like I never have, and I am now free of those things. It was so crazy to experience, and there was a part of me that felt skeptical that those pains and hurt could ever be removed. God really showed up and proved himself even though he didn’t have to. Its so amazing to be able to walk in this freedom, where ironically I thought I already was. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been walking with God so there is no debate there, its just the freedom of allowing God to remove the darkest parts of my life I wasn’t letting go of, even though I thought I was.
The reason I’m glad that these attacks have been happening, is because it got me to a point of total surrender. Growth doesn’t happen unless you actually work through something. You can never be a leader if you don’t know what it means to fail, and you won’t be able to grow if when things get hard, all you do is give up or push it away.
This month has been rough for me and just staying present has been a chore. Since this breakthrough though, I have been able to really just be ok with where I am!! I know that not every where I go on this race will be my favorite place on earth, but I do know that the people in these places deserve the chance to know Christ, and what kind of person would I be to allow my own distaste for an area get in the way of that……
On a crazier and freaking amazing note…….yesterday I got to audition for a movie haha!! I’m not sure what the movie is about, but it was a dream come true. Being in movies is something that I have always wanted to do, and even if I don’t get cast, I still got to audition for it and thats pretty awesome. We leave Mongolia November 7th, so if I do get cast I will only be able to be in a couple of scenes, but still I’ll get to be in a movie!! The cool thing will be that I will sign my first movie contract in Mongolia if it happens…haha how awesome is God!!!!!
