The first week of the Race, Im in Calama, Chile and it has been a bit of a blob for me. I feel great spiritually but at the same time I feel not so great spiritually. This can make a person feel a little crazy so I wrote God a letter and I want to share it with you. I wrote:
Why did you bring me to this desert? It’s too much like home for me to be comfortable. There’s too much down time and I’m tired of the internet. My team thinks it’s beautiful here but I don’t see it, I see dirt and brown. I want to see the beauty in it besides in the desert sunsets. Where are you? I hear You, I feel You, but I don’t see You. I’m missing parts to our relationship and it make me feel like I’m missing a part of You. I feel like my well is drying out like the land around me. Is there even an under ground spring here to give me hope? Where are You?
This is what the Lord wrote back:
“Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be open to you. I know your rising up and your laying down. I am so close to you I can hear you breathe, I am never far from you. Keep drawing near to me and I will draw near to you. There is always hope, there is always a spring waiting to be found. Build an altar here for all to look back on and to be an example for. The journey has just begun.”
Does it sound harsh? Maybe a little but this is my heart. I want to communicate it truthfully to Him. Before launch the Lord challenged me to bring watercolors instead of my paints. So I had the idea that maybe if I paint the desert I will see the beauty that he created in it. I started off with the ugly brown outlines of the mountains and I couldn’t bring myself to fill out my paper with brown, so I moved up to the sun set behind the mountains. I started with yellow and went to orange, red, blue, purple, I even put green in it. I added water drops to the paint after it dried so it would pull up the paint and make it look like stars, things were looking pretty good if I do say so myself. Then I went back to the mountains, I started to add the cracks I could see in the real mountains and started to shade and add darker lines on the borders, still leaving the whole mountain white though. I took a step back to look at the painting and God spoke to my heart and said, “Beauty isn’t just in color.” I have never thought about that. I’m starting to see how the desert is beautiful, but why does this place remind me so much of home?
Last night we were talking to our host and we asked, “is there anything we can be praying over Calama for.” He replied, (paraphrased because it was in Spanish) “Calama is a mining town, lots of money here which means lots of partying. Drug and alcohol addiction are big here along with prostitution” and it immediately clicked. Calama reminded me of Midland not only in how it looked but also because it had the same spiritual presents. Midland is an oil field town where people make to much money to know what to do with, which usually leads to some type of addiction. I told God in my heart place, “I know why you brought me here now.” God replied, “Marissa I will bring you to the places I need you the most. If it’s anyone who will understand this spiritual presence, it will be you. I need you here for a reason.” Now am I saying I’m the answer to all of Calama’s problems? Absolutely not. Will I be able to fix everything in the one month I’m here? No. But if you ask me if I can intercede for the city and its people? I will say yes. Do I know how to go forward in ministry now? Yes. Will the Lord move? Always.
This first week was rough but I’m looking forward to see what the Lord wants to do in the next few weeks. I found out exactly where God is and where I’m meant to be. My well isn’t just full but it’s over flowing, I found the under ground spring, now its time to water the desert lands.
