To be honest Im a little nervous about this blog but Gods glory is worth sharing, amen?!
For those of you who don’t know my testimony, which is most, I want to share it with you today in a summed up version:
When I was 12 years old I suffered from an eating disorder, which lead to depression, which, in turn, lead to suicidal thoughts. At 13 I rededicated my life to the Lord and was healed of those things. Sadly, at 19 years old I decided to start drinking. It quickly became an addiction for the next 3 years until I decided to turn my life around and make the decision to go to Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Tyler, TX to do a Discipleship Training School (DTS).
The other night I gave my testimony in Calama, Chile, just like I have time and time again, but this time it was different. I was more of an emotional wreck than I was the first time I gave my testimony a year ago in New Orleans. As I was going over my past experiences in preparation of what I was going to say for the message that night, I realized how much God was there throughout all of it. I was an emotional wreck realizing all of God’s goodness and God’s grace all over again. There was no time to process or give thanks, I had to go share! Literally! I also had to talk through a translator so I had time to think, in detail, of everything that I had been through… I was on the verge of crying the whole time.
Then I named off some of the past labels I had: eating disorder, depressed, suicidal, alcoholic. In that moment I came to the realization that God still wanted me and all my baggage. He didn’t wait for me to get my life together and then go to him. He met me in the chaos. Every. Single. Time. I realized He wanted not only the good parts of me but He wanted the messy parts too. He was even willing to walk through that chaos to get to me. Psalms 139:8b says, “…even if I make my bed in the depths you are there.” and thats exactly what I did and where He was. I can’t believe I forgot about how much God truly loved me. I was able to experience Gods grace and love all over again like it was the very first time. What an amazing redeeming love story!
From the words of a good friend of mine, “If Gods mercies weren’t new everyday, life would suck”. – Natasha Leon.
I was a few days sober when I started my first day at YWAM in my when God lead me to Isaiah 6. God asks, “Whom shall I send?” When I read that I knew God was inviting me into his ministry and His mission to spread the gospel around the world. I was 3 days sober, I was still fighting my decency with alcohol. WHO DOES THAT!? WHO INVITES AN ALCOHOLIC INTO MINISTRY LIKE THAT?! 17 months ago I was so far from God, but He was never far from me. This past year and a half I have grown so unbelievably close to the Lord and He has brought healing to so many areas of my life. The other night I was able to experience all of it again just in a fast forward motion. I was completely overwhelmed with happiness and goodness of God. Im proud to tell you today I am 17 months sober and healed of my past wounds.
I was able to realize how much of a grace and merciful God we have all over again. When was the last time you had one of these moments? I want to challenge you to put some time aside today and just remember all the places God has met you in your mess.
I hope you found encouragement through this short but vulnerable blog! Just and update, I leave for Argentina on Nov 12th and I am about $4,000 away from my November goal! Thank you for stopping by! I love you all, God Bless! – Marissa
