Here I am sitting at church in Rwanda minding my own business when my friend Averi looks at me and opens her bible to show me something. Inside said, “I’ll take every swing and every blow until you know my love.” My eyes filled with tears and I was about to lose it, but it was not the time or place. I didn’t know it at the time but I was about to enter a new season of my life and it would start with tear-filled eyes and a roller coaster of emotions.
I can see it in your eyes, that you’re gonna run
You’re gonna run
I can tell in the way that you speak to me
That you’re gonna leave,
You’re gonna leave.
So as you slip away I will say
As you pack your things I will sing
Even if you run away from me
Over the mountains through the valleys
I will not rest but search east and west to bring you back with me
Even if you sailed away from me
Across the oceans and the seas
I will move again like a mighty wind
And bring you back to me
I will move again like a mighty wind
And blow you back to me
I have seen this all before, It is all too familiar
But you will never see the bottom of my store houses of love
So as you use the night
To make your flight
No choice that you will make
Or path you take
Will change my mind
Even if one day you decide
You will find somewhere else to hide.
I will walk your way and call your name
And wait for your reply
Even if you make up in your mind
You don’t wanna be by my side
I will leave behind the 99
Oh that you’d be mine
I’m gonna leave behind 99
Oh that you’d be mine
Even if you stomp and scream and huff
Tell me that I’m not good enough
I’ll take every swing and every blow, until you know my love
Even if you beat upon my chest
Tell me that you don’t understand
I will love you and teach you
To love me again
I’m going to love you and teach you
To love me again
– Runaway by Jess Ray
When I hear this song, I am reminded of the Lords love for me. The short lyric that Averi showed me was enough to open my heart to the Lord again. I asked God why that song hit me so hard and if I was running away from anything in my life. The Lord replied, “Marissa, you’re trying to push through and finish the race strong but you just need stop and grieve.” I replied, “What am I grieving?” God said, “The way you have been living the past 2 and a half years is coming to an end.” This has been an amazing journey but this type of lifestyle is coming to a halt. Global missions and community living is ending and I am going home to live a “normal” life. I realized the Lord is preparing my heart for home.
There are things in my past that I haven’t had to deal with quite yet. I’ve only spent a few weeks at home here and there within the last 2 and a half years. It is always just enough time to visit friends, but not enough time to allow myself to be exposed to the things of my past. I haven’t had to stand before them and proclaim that there is no more shame, there is not a strong hold over me, and that I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. Im getting pumped to proclaim, “The Lord anoints my head in front of my enemies” —Psalm 23. Amen, Hallelujah, yes sir! I don’t know what “regular life” will look like for me now. I am on a completely new journey with a mind reformed to the Lord, with new dreams ahead of me.
For now I will enjoy my time with my friends here in Uganda.
My encouragement for you is that you don’t have to push through to finish strong, being strong can mean dealing with what is in front of you. See ya in a bit Texas!
