ive been searching for consistency in people my whole life. looking for friends to stay longer than a couple casual years. looking for guys that give more than just pieces of themselves. people who WANT to be there. to throw themselves into our relationship as much as i was; to want to go far and wide into eachother forever if possible. craving crazy storybook dreams and movie scene memories. craving deep feelings and conversations about the realities of what it means to be alive.
people cant be perfect. they cant meet your expectations all of the time. looking back when i couldn’t grasp that, for me that meant feeling a lot of abandonment. wondering why others wouldn’t match my efforts.
stepping back now i can see the fact is that you can’t have any kind of fruitful relationship (platonic or romantic) if you arent a whole person on your own. my identity was easily lost in other people: life quickly would be consumed by making plans or waiting for texts and calls back. before there was clarity, this had the ability to bring me way down. when i’d get cancelled on or ignored or not be a top priority like they were for me, i’d feel so alone.
clearly i needed some Jesus.
reading Acts, i came across chapter 2 verses 26&27 which made me realize just how big of an impact the desire of wanting people to stick around and being wanted had on me. “Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest in hope, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, you will not let your holy one see decay.”
for so long i was striving for a relationship in people that only the Lord can provide. He will NEVER let you down. He will ALWAYS listen. He will stand by you FOREVER. no matter what country i find myself in next, no matter how lost i find myself wandering: HE WILL FULLY BE THERE. and not only that, but He is PROUD to do so. proud to have you as a daughter or son.
His hand will always be out stretched, willing to be your guide with a never-ending, completely full love and mercy. and to me, i think that’s what i am most thankful about in our Lord.
“Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God,
Oh, it chases me down, fights til i’m found, leaves the 99,
i couldnt earn it, i dont deserve it, still You give Yourself away,
Oh, the overwhelming never-ending, reckless love of God,
theres no shadow You wont light up, mountain you won’t climb up coming after me,
there’s no wall you wont kick down,
lie you wont tear down coming after me.”
>>>Reckless Love, Bethel Music&Steffany Gretzinger
