When I first arrived to Cumming, GA I planted my first plant. Just a few small seeds in a small pot.
I’ve never grown anything before.. in fact I’ve never even been able to keep healthy plants alive and a few years ago, I just accepted that as my fate.. a plant killer.
So I got this little flower growing kit as a prize from my sister’s baby shower and I remember thinking “ha, I’m never going to use this.” But instead of leaving it at her house, I decided I’d give it a shot.
So here I am, ACTUALLY trying.. reading the directions.. reading the directions again.
I learn that the soil is supposed to stay damp and the plant should be in the sun.
So I find a little spot in my window sill. Every morning I open my window, set it next to the screen, give it a little water, and tell it that it’s beautiful and it will grow.
After a few days I started feeling silly, not because I was talking to a plant.. but because doubt would creep in.
You can’t even keep a living plant alive, why do you think this would grow from dead little seeds?
This plant is likely not getting enough water, you’re probably dehydrating the guy!
You’re definitely drowning the thing.
The sun hasn’t come out and it’s way too cold, why do you even bother?
Every time, I shut down the insecurities and decide to just keep trying.
One day I sit down in the glider chair in my bedroom and look at the plant. I see the tops of the seeds sticking out of the soil and think.. oh no, I didn’t even bury them far enough.. this is just- oh well! I’ll just keep caring for it and see what happens.
I’d pray and ask the Lord to teach me something, anything in this process. I sit there and say, “anything God?” And he whispers to my spirit that roots have to grow down before it could ever grow up.
I hold on to that concept..
Well yesterday morning I take my water bottle and examine the dirt. My eye is caught by a bright green… little baby sprout!!!! And wait! There’s another one!!!
On top of the new plant is the old seed. It’s like it came to life out of this dead seed, and carried the hull of the seed out of the dirt.
It’s BEAUTIFUL!!!! I’ve never been so excited over a plant, IT’S growing!!!!
Now I’ve thought about flicking that little seed hull off of my baby plants but.. I don’t know anything about seeds, I wonder if it will kick it off on it’s own when it’s ready. I don’t want to take it away and kill my plant or rob it of something it still needs from that hull.
Stepping back, I see SOOOO many parallels to life from my short journey with this plant.
First.. starting something that takes time can be intimidating to me. I really appreciate the spontaneous side of God, when he invites me on in the moment adventures.
I definitely also appreciate the steadfast love of God.. but I don’t always love the steadfast and patient plans he has.
Starting long adventures or knowing of a trip in advance can be intimidating because I actually have time to think through and worry, doubt, and question everything in the meantime.
I was talking with one of my friends who’s in a similar situation and I had this revelation. I don’t worry in the “right now” plans with the Lord because I don’t want to waste the little time I have worrying, but when I have a lot of time, I don’t value my time to the same extent, I seem to welcome worry and completely throw Matthew 6:34 out the window.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
And all of the sudden I accept worry and insecurity like a nice slice of chocolate cake. Except it’s not cake, it’s a waste of my precious time that could be spent trusting God and focusing on the here and now. Just like planting a seed, I have the choice to listen to questions about sunlight and water while casting out the lies that tell me I’m not good enough.
Then there’s that little hull! I imagine it as my dead life, when I was trapped in sin and shame. I wonder how many times the people around me saw the chains I was living in and instead of ripping them off themselves, gave me the time and space to seek the Lord to find my own faith and love and freedom.
There is a process we all go through and it takes different amounts of time for all of us. Time to grow roots, time to grow up, time to shed the burdens on our shoulders.
I planted 5 seeds and so far only two have sprouted. If only two grow, that’s enough for me. But I’m not going to assume that the other three don’t have a hope, maybe they’re just on a different schedule 🙂
So here I am.. a season of growth for sure, but instead of worrying about tomorrow, I’ll take my time in the here and now. I’ll think and I’ll pray and I’ll seek the Lord. I’m growing up, but only because of the roots supporting me.
I’m still in Georgia, and I’m not sure how long I’ll be here but as of now, there’s no place I’d rather be.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Thanks, God, for this season of growth. This season of here and now, not a season of waiting for the future. Thank you for new life and new lessons. Thank you for being spontaneous and steadfast. Thanks for loving me, I love you too. In your name, Jesus, I pray. Amen 🙂
