A few weeks ago I was on the phone with my friend Hope and I started crying, telling her I didn’t want to go to Georgia.
I’d become comfortable at home, in San Antonio.
My first night in Gainesville, I lay on the floor and I started crying, telling God that I didn’t want to be in Georgia.
I wanted to take a flight back home, to San Antonio.
A couple of days ago I lay in my bed (a small mattress on my living room floor) and I started crying, telling God I still didn’t want to be in Georgia.
I wanted the comfort of my home, in San Antonio.
As I write this, I’m crying on my mattress knowing that God never said following him would be comfortable.
He called me to a life of continual abandonment. Abandoning my wants,
my desires, my friends, my family, my life… so I can be broken time
and time again and realize that He is all I need.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I remember the brokenness I felt in the slums of Kenya, the mud huts of Uganda, and in the sweltering heat of Tanzania.
But I also remember the indescribable joy I felt in the musty jail
cell in the Philippines. The bounce in my step in the humidity of
Cambodia. And the joy I felt when I saw a young girl walk out of the
bars as she made the decision to stop selling her body in Thailand.
And I know without a shadow of a doubt the tears are worth it.
As I wrote my last blog, I sat in my favorite spot in the world wondering why God would take me away from the place I loved so much.
Two days later I received a message from a friend of a friend that
I’ve never met before. She’d been contemplating going on a mission trip
to Swaziland, but had her doubts.
“I was the only one left at work and I just let the phone ring off
the hook until I finished reading the letter from Kikim,” she wrote.
“I held my cool until I got home. I barely had time to throw my purse
and coat on the ground before I starting weeping and praying for Kikim.
Through reading your blog and my breakdown in prayer yesterday, I
gained the strength and reassurance that I needed to go to Swaziland
and to make my deposit.”
Now Shayna will never be the same and neither will the country of Swaziland.
I am still in need of monthly supporters and one time donors to continue my ministry with Adventures in Missions. Please partner with me by giving to this ministry.
