As I sat and watched the movie, “The Way We Were” starring Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford a few days ago, I started thinking about the possibilities of what The Race will do to me, not physically necessarily, but who I am as a person.
Starting with training camp, which is only three weeks away, the Marissa we all know (and love!) will hopefully start to change. A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my teammates about how everything that we do we are doing it as if it’ll be the last opportunity we’ll have to do it. Last week, I experienced my first Fiesta in San Antonio (a weeklong celebration marking the Battle of San Jacinto). While there, I had to experience San Antonio as if I’d never return (I’m actually going back in just a few weeks!) My teammate and I came to the conclusion that we’re doing this probably because, although we’ll only be gone for 11 months, when we return we won’t be the same person.
Back to the movie, though. The story is about Hubbell Gardner (Redford), the guy who has everything come to him easily–the good looking guy who has it all– and Katie Morosky (Streisand), the girl who is pretty, but not in the conventional way, is loud and passionate, and who definitely doesn’t fit in with Hubbell’s crowd. She feels like she’s been “invited for drinks, while everyone else is staying for dinner” among his friends.
There’s something about this story that really resonated with me. I think the scene where they are about to call it quits after one of her outbursts hits people (at least, it did me!) a bit.
Katie Morosky: I don’t have the right style for you do I? Hubbell Gardner: No you don’t have the right style.
Katie Morosky: I’ll change.
Hubbell Gardner: No, don’t change. You’re your own girl, you have your own style.
Katie Morosky: But then I won’t have you. Why can’t I have you?
Hubbell Gardner: Because you push too hard, every damn minute. There’s no time to ever relax and enjoy living. Everything’s too serious to be so serious.
Katie Morosky: If I push too hard it’s because I want things to be better, I want us to be better, I want you to be better. Sure I make waves, I mean, you have to. And I’ll keep making them till you’re everything you should be and will be. You’ll never find anyone as good for you as I am, to believe in you as much as I do or to love you as much.
Hubbell Gardner: I know that.
Katie Morosky: Well then why?
Hubbell Gardner: Do you think if I come back its going to be okay by magic? What’s going to change? What’s going to be different? We’ll both be wrong, we’ll both lose.
Katie Morosky: Couldn’t we both win?
After watching this movie, I thought about why that scene was so powerful.
I’ll admit that I often wish that I could have a different “style” that would appease to people with that particular style. We all have that Katie Morosky in us, we are all the people who don’t fit in at one point or another. And when Hubbell tells her that, no, she doesn’t have the right style, it’s heartbreaking. When she says she’ll change, even moreso!
Why? Because we all have this longing to be loved just the way we are.
I know that throughout this journey, I will change. And that’s both something I look forward to and at the same time fear. I do admit, though, that I also am afraid of the changes that won’t happen: the parts of my personality (I’m an ISTJ, fyi) that won’t neccessarily be changed, but will be refined and used in a way I didn’t think possible. My friend, Lupe, e-mailed me a couple of weeks ago and told me, “If I know anything about God is that He will use the VERY things that DO NOT appear to be something POWERFUL, MIGHTY AND EXPLOSIVE…to do that very thing He wants to do…and 
all the while–the small, tiny, seemingly insignificant and appearing to be faulty thing/person…is WHAT YOU REALLY ARE ALREADY…just waiting for your designated to SHINE.”
all the while–the small, tiny, seemingly insignificant and appearing to be faulty thing/person…is WHAT YOU REALLY ARE ALREADY…just waiting for your designated to SHINE.” Yikes! What I perceive as handicaps might not be and can actually be useful? It’s scary because in order for it to happen it will require effort on my part–I’ll have to listen and act.
Because although I know that God, friends, family and my teammates will love me for the way I was and the way I am, I long to have all of them love me for who I can be: the person who was made in God’s image and lives like it.
