“Marisa, if you (see) me now, I’m not a new.
Because I’m suffer to all my sin and continue anger to the man commit
sin for me. I hope you understand for me…” –Kikim, September 2010
Because I’m suffer to all my sin and continue anger to the man commit
sin for me. I hope you understand for me…” –Kikim, September 2010
There are things in life that just seem impossible.
An outsider looking at an 18-year-old boy behind bars, scars up and
down his arms and chest from self inflicted wounds may think, “this kid
is hopeless.” An outsider looking at a boy who says his heart his hard,
that the only thing he wants is revenge may think, “this kid is scary.”
An outsider looking in at a boy who admittedly doesn’t trust God may
think, “let’s move on to someone more worthwhile.”
down his arms and chest from self inflicted wounds may think, “this kid
is hopeless.” An outsider looking at a boy who says his heart his hard,
that the only thing he wants is revenge may think, “this kid is scary.”
An outsider looking in at a boy who admittedly doesn’t trust God may
think, “let’s move on to someone more worthwhile.”
God looks at that 18-year-old boy and says, “That’s my child.”
I met Kikim 8 months ago at the Malaybalay, Philippines city jail. That kid changed my life.
I remember clearly the day
I realized that God was in the middle of our new found friendship. I
was on my bed talking to Anna, kicking the bed above me and squealing
excitedly, joyful that God could do such a thing. I ran to tell my
friends about the events of that day as soon as I could. I was excited
for that night’s feedback so I could share with my
entire team about what God was doing.
I realized that God was in the middle of our new found friendship. I
was on my bed talking to Anna, kicking the bed above me and squealing
excitedly, joyful that God could do such a thing. I ran to tell my
friends about the events of that day as soon as I could. I was excited
for that night’s feedback so I could share with my
entire team about what God was doing.
Eight months ago, God whisp
ered, “He is not hopeless, he is not scary, he IS worthwhile. And, Marissa, so are you.”
ered, “He is not hopeless, he is not scary, he IS worthwhile. And, Marissa, so are you.”
That friendship didn’t end when I left the Philippines, though. It continued through my friend, Jodi, who now is in the process of making plans to move there to start a rehabilitation home for boys like Kikim.
She’s been back to the Philippines twice since we returned home
and heads out again next month. Kikim and I have exchanged letters each
time she’s gone. I’ve never forgotten him.
and heads out again next month. Kikim and I have exchanged letters each
time she’s gone. I’ve never forgotten him.
I’ve prayed for him daily and I know Jodi has, too. People who read
this blog have prayed for him. But from the outside looking in, his
situation seemed hopeless. He has no family to depend on, he’s still in
jail with no idea of when he’ll be free. He’s pretty much…alone.
this blog have prayed for him. But from the outside looking in, his
situation seemed hopeless. He has no family to depend on, he’s still in
jail with no idea of when he’ll be free. He’s pretty much…alone.
On Sunday I briefly spoke about him to a church in Mesquite, Texas.
I didn’t go into too much detail about our encounter, but I remember
saying, “He’s still suffering from depression. He is still hurting
himself. But I am so hopeful. I’m hopeful that there will be change.
I didn’t go into too much detail about our encounter, but I remember
saying, “He’s still suffering from depression. He is still hurting
himself. But I am so hopeful. I’m hopeful that there will be change.
Later that night, as I was driving home, I thought to myself, “Do I really believe that?”
The answer? I don’t know.
The newness of those moments we spent together has worn off. It’s been eight months since I walked away
from him telling him to not be afraid of God. I’ve since traveled to
other countries, I’ve traveled home, I’ve worked full-time, I’ve had
failures, successes, good moments and bad moments. It’s easy to lose
that hope and trust that God is still working long after we’ve gone. As a
human being, I want to have control of a situation and if I don’t, I
have trouble believing that God hasn’t forgotten.
from him telling him to not be afraid of God. I’ve since traveled to
other countries, I’ve traveled home, I’ve worked full-time, I’ve had
failures, successes, good moments and bad moments. It’s easy to lose
that hope and trust that God is still working long after we’ve gone. As a
human being, I want to have control of a situation and if I don’t, I
have trouble believing that God hasn’t forgotten.
So I start to become that outsider who believes the situation might
actually be hopeless and that change for Kikim is likely impossible,
especially after getting notes that say change hasn’t yet come.
actually be hopeless and that change for Kikim is likely impossible,
especially after getting notes that say change hasn’t yet come.
But then I start to think, if God only did what I thought was
possible…what would be the point? Wouldn’t that make him a pretty weak
God?
possible…what would be the point? Wouldn’t that make him a pretty weak
God?
I don’t want that God. I want a strong and powerful God.
I want the impossible.
And sometimes, despite my lack of trust, I get to see it.
“hi ate (sister) jodi, how are you ? me, still okey
because God given me a new life, thank you so much for helping me ate
jodi, hope that you include me always in your prayer, now i believe
that there is no impossible with God, if he will touch the lives of
the people it would be change immediately despite the
impossibility,because of him i found hope even though that im still
inside the jail. and he removed all the bitterness in my heart,
because i realized that its not good to take vengeance against the
people who hurt me, now i claim that my life is new and much better
than before, until here ate jodi and extend my regards to mariisa i
miss her so much ate jodi, Godbless and advance merry Christmas
because God given me a new life, thank you so much for helping me ate
jodi, hope that you include me always in your prayer, now i believe
that there is no impossible with God, if he will touch the lives of
the people it would be change immediately despite the
impossibility,because of him i found hope even though that im still
inside the jail. and he removed all the bitterness in my heart,
because i realized that its not good to take vengeance against the
people who hurt me, now i claim that my life is new and much better
than before, until here ate jodi and extend my regards to mariisa i
miss her so much ate jodi, Godbless and advance merry Christmas
and
happy new year ate.”‘ -Kikim, December 2010
happy new year ate.”‘ -Kikim, December 2010
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I am still looking for partners to help me continue sharing God’s
stories. I will be moving to Gainesville, Georgia on Dec. 30 and need to
raise $2,400 before then. I know this seems pretty impossible, but we
know that nothing is impossible with God.
stories. I will be moving to Gainesville, Georgia on Dec. 30 and need to
raise $2,400 before then. I know this seems pretty impossible, but we
know that nothing is impossible with God.
Please consider adding this ministry to your holiday giving list and click here.
