The tender years of a teenager’s life absolutely capture my heart. Is it just me, or do you too, realize how important those years are? Perhaps you are with me when I say that those years were the most difficult to get through. I am only 24, but I venture to say that between the ages of 13 and 18, I hurt, cried, screamed, doubted, hated, misunderstood and projected more objects through the air than I ever will in my entire life.
I was an absolute train wreck.
Looking back, I remember the pain well and I truly hurt for those who are going through the same experiences. But, before I was able to hurt for anyone else, for too long I was held captive in the pain from my own past. I held myself there, unable to get past all my mistakes. Wondering why no one warned me, or perhaps they did and why I hadn’t listened.
Before God freed me of this prison, I broke out myself at times. I would justify all my wrongs by telling myself that I experienced them to grow into the mature, reasonable and wise person I perceived myself to be. (Just the thought of perceiving myself as wise in my early 20s is something to smirk at.) Sometimes, I would accept the things I did as what all teenagers go through to “find themselves.” I even shrugged them off as the product of life from divorced parents. Whichever way I chose to break out, it seemed like those feelings of guilt and regret would catch back up with me when least expected.
It was during my time at training camp for the World Race that Satan again reminded me of how rotten of a person I once was. Each of us entered a grieving period, when the leaders asked us to visit those dark, heavy places we kept so deep within. These secret places were considered baggage and it was vital that they be visited and revisited until they were appropriately mended and dealt with by God. Well, I guess they don’t make these people in charge for no reason… they know what they are talking about. It was absolutely necessary and such a work of God when we were able to grieve, rebuke Satan’s lies and mend with God.
For me personally, it was a revitalizing experience. Not the “Pantene ProV” kind, but much better – more of a life-awakening kind, revolutionary even. When dealt with properly, God tenderly reminded me that my past was not something he held against me. Thank you God for your grace! He also spoke truth into the lies Satan used previously, explaining in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy”; but God, who “came that they may have life and have it abundantly” will use even my screwed up teenage mistakes for his purposes. Bravo! He is something, that God guy. Sounds like he knows what hes talking about; He might even have an answer as to why I did what I did and lived as I lived all those years.
Eugene H. Peterson writes in The Message,
“In the midst of the incredible mess these kings are making of God’s purposes, God continues to work his purposes and uses them in the work – doesn’t discard them, doesn’t detour around them; he uses them. They are part of his sovereign rule, whether they want to be or not, whether they know it or not. God’s purposes are worked out in confrontation and revelation, in judgment and salvation, but they are worked out. God’s rule is not imposed in the sense that he forces each man and woman into absolute conformity to justice and truth and righteousness. The rule is worked out from within, much of the time invisible and unnoticed, but always patiently and resolutely there.”
Wow, so God is going to use my incredible mess? He’s not just forgetting it or working around it, he is actually going to use it!
He has made it clear that I should no longer live in regret or doubt, or feel ashamed for who I was or what I did. In fact, He wants me to embrace those years by gathering my experiences and the lessons learned and actually, disciple teenagers. But, not just as a friendly mentor on her day off. Not as a small group leader or Sunday school teacher. It will be my life. My purpose. Discipling teenagers.
I love it!
(Johnny is also passionate in discipling teenagers. In blogs to come, we are excited to share our ideas and more ways God is revealing what that will look like in the future.)
Way back when…
