After a very dark month in Vietnam, we’ve arrived in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
While in Vietnam, our squad struggled with the every day weight that pressed down on our hearts in the hotel in which we stayed. The heaviness created exhaustion after just a few hours of ministry. We slept through many days and had too many sleepless nights. Our teams suffered at times from a lack of unity. But, our squad began learning how to operate as ONE for the first time and we certainly joined eachother in getting our armor dirty. Overall, we left tired, weary and needing more. Needing someone to pour into us, asking for wisdom, crying out for answers. We left the city with a sigh, unsure whether it was relief, hopelessness or confusion…for me, a mix of all.
The entire time I was there, I was completely lost. Lost in who I was, where I was and what I was doing there. I wasn’t listening to God, although I know He was trying desperately to reach me. All I could hear were my own cries of desperation. Where are you God? Why can’t I find you… hear you, see you, feel you? What am I doing wrong? Just show me how…I will do whatever it takes!
But, in hindsight, I see that I was waiting for a particular answer, one of which I still don’t know. But an answer from God that was easy, in my face. One that would correct all my problems. As I am sure he was providing answers daily, I failed to recognize them. Not once did I feel clarity. Not once did I feel kept. Not once did I allow myself to “die” to my own expectations of how God would answer. I was just totally off the mark. What was the mark? What could’ve made it easier? I have no clue. But what I do know, is that as soon as I left that place… the dialogue began to come back. I wasn’t speaking out, praying to or asking of God with nothing coming back from the other end. Little by little, answers were revealed. Through friends, through children, through music, prayer, podcasts with Francis Chan, reading The Shack (the last two being favorites)…He spoke and I heard.
Ahhhh….Light!
After debrief at the beaches of Sihanoukville, Cambodia, we arrived in Phnom Penh where we are staying at the YWAM base with several other teams. Our ministry this month is joined with team JOY while working with a local mega church, New Life Fellowship. Charismatic, full of life, Holy Spirit filled…awesomeness!! We love the people – staff, students, short term missionaries, etc. They are perfect expressions of God’s light and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. We will work with New Life for two more weeks, gathering testimonies from there myriad of ministries…all of which we will give back in the form of writing, photos and videos to the church in order to use for newsletters and updates to share with their Western supporters. (I will continue blogging about the ministry in the near future, but wanted to provide some basics).
As God is speaking, I am discovering….
How much God loves me, how creatively He pursues me.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Gal. 5:22
EVERYTHING is about Him, all light shines on His faithfulness and grace.
These are not things that I am just hearing, just as many times before… I am owning them, they are mine! An ultimate gift from God.
That’s enough for now, anymore truth and I might explode! It is just all too good. I am filled and He is love.
