I will never understand fully, but I can at least give it a good run…again.
Who He is astounds my mind just about every single moment. My eyes become close to pouring whenever I begin to fathom how He can be my closest confidant, yet also embody the fullness of true love, grace, justice, and righteousness. It all makes sense somehow and it’s all so true, these things I know. The more that I encounter Yaweh, the more that I long to be with Him. His holiness is ineffable and somehow, He invites “me” to take part in this divine relationship. The God of old who revealed Himself to Moses as “I am.” The One who was, is, and is to come…” The One who canceled the debt of the murderer. The One who embraced accusation, resulting in death. I can never fully comprehend, and “that” is why I belong to my Master. More so, “that” is why I “must” live to proclaim who He is wherever I find myself.
I find myself by the ocean yet again and I consider it such a great gift. The girls and I decided to take advantage of our four-day weekend and cheap Asian busses. In short, it would have been “interesting” to sit around in our scorching tents for four straight days with nothing to do in our little village. So, we are currently on the coast of Cambodia, overlooking the Gulf of Thailand. No doubt, it’s beautiful, but these days aren’t fully including my anticipated relaxation.
Photo by Stephanie May
In short, this place is touristy. But how can I only say the least? Since we didn’t have Internet at our ministry site, we planned this trip solely from a Lonely Planet book. The beach in which we are staying is essentially a “spring break” party scene right along with a popular sex tourism destination. Hundreds of young Westerners flood the bars for cheap beer irresistible beats, and beach fire shows. Hundreds of slightly older Western men linger the same bars with their young Cambodian girlfriends. Street kids selling bracelets and inexpensive sunglasses flock these said white folks.
I met a lady boy on the day we arrived. His (or her?) name is “Beyonce.” In his flamboyant voice and demeanor, the nineteen-year-old asked, “You buy bracelet from me?!” “Oh my God, you need eyebrows done.” I’ve seen him many times since. We have a friendly conversation, he tries to sell me something, I decline, and I tell him that I will see him around. I’ve had conversations with about seven bracelet girls now. They are persistent in their sales, but if you continue to divert the conversation, they actually enjoy talking about other things such as their lives and families. When I ask about their job, they give rehearsed answers and express how much they love it. In reality, they work for some big whig and aren’t able to attend school. I see even younger street kids. They come up behind you and poke you…some sort of scare tactic? Some hit you on the butt when you don’t buy their product. I adore talking with these children and crave more opportunities to do so. They truly need real Love, to know they are worth more than haughty smirks from foreigners.
Photo by Stephanie May
Take heart.
Like I mentioned, this place is filled to the brim with Westerners. Not only do they come to party, but they also come to work. The bars hire them to promote to fellow white folks. It makes perfect sense! Numerous charming Aussie girls and attractive guys with nice accents who offer coupons for free beer for their particular venues have approached me. They make it all sound so appealing. On our way back to our room last night, a blond girl in a mini-skirt offered a few friends and myself free shots. We consecutively said, “no thank you.” She was taken aback. Man, Jesus loves her. He loves her so incredibly much. I sure hope she saw Him…not because we resisted the liquor, but because we embody who He is.
Take heart.
Yes, there are many older men here. And when I say older, I mean “older.” I could write forever about these guys. I used to become so incredibly furious. “How in the world can these perverted dogs buy a woman as if she is a doll for sale?” In actuality, these thoughts consumed me before I arrived to Southeast Asia. When I began bar ministry in Thailand, these thoughts were practically nonexistent. Yes, it’s truly disgusting. But when I see these guys, my heart breaks. I know that it must be Jesus in me, for my own selfish ambition could not fathom this grace. But there is grace. Somehow, He is full of justice and love. He longs to bring freedom to these men just the same as to their short-term loves in the chains of sex slavery.
Take heart.
And so, I see all of this.
And He tells me time and again to “take heart.”
He says, "My light is shining in these dark places."
Really? How? I don't freaking see it!
"It's you."
I know. I know it.
Help me to KNOW it.
The very mouth of the Savior spoke, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." – John 16:33
Time and again, the Old Testament speaks of the LORD's righteousness and His justice. Psalm 89:14 says, "Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before you." His righteousness is displayed as His justice prevails." Since He never changes, we must believe that these things still stand.
In one of the very last leg of my trip, my passion for missions is re-ignited yet again. Light shining in the darkness, it's so beautiful. And He somehow decided that He would use us to embody this Light. I see it. I see the possibilities because He is so mighty.
He is so good, my friends.
