I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it feels like to be in the middle. 181 days have passed since the World Race began for me. Since then I have hiked waterfalls, visited families in tiny huts, held many hands, both young and old, shared the Gospel in another language, laughed till I couldn’t breathe and cried until I didn’t have tears left. I have gazed at the most beautiful sights unable to look away, and I have had to turn my eyes from things that were too upsetting for my heart to bear. I have experienced so much these past 6 months, and here I am in the middle of one of the greatest adventures of my life.
In this very moment, I am sitting in my hostel in Bangkok,Thailand. Month 6 is behind us now and Cambodia is so close we can almost feel it. In this moment I find myself in the middle of the Race, or the B-zone, as we call it. Yes, the honeymoon phase of the Race has officially ended and the shine is wearing off. I am tired. We are tired. And if I am honest, my team and I just had a really difficult month in Thailand.
If I’m being honest, home sounds really good right now. A hug from my mom and dad sounds great, as does a home-cooked meal and a full night’s sleep in my own room. I dream about playing with my puppies, straightening my hair, taking a bubble bath, hugging my boyfriend…
But I don’t want to dream of home or life after the Race.
Because one thing I’ve learned is that the B-zone is where the muscle grows. When it’s hard and not so much fun is where I learn endurance. And it’s the days with no AC, 100 degree heat, and a hard ground to sleep on when I need to remember why I’m here. It’s these days when I have to consciously remember what God has already done this year and look forward to the months ahead. These hard moments on the Race (and really just in life in general) is when where we have to persevere. This is when I hear the Lord saying:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1
You don’t really need endurance for the easy parts in life, right? And I don’t win the prize for running just the first half of the race.
So today, I am choosing to be thankful and I am choosing to remember. I am choosing to be thankful for the parts of this year that are difficult and that make me think about home. Because those are the times when I know God is changing me to look more like Him, more like the woman he created me to be. This is when I learn what it means to endure.
I am thankful for the tears I have shed the past 6 months. Oh there have been a lot. Though they have stung in the moment, they have reminded me of my frailty and how I don’t have to be strong. I don’t think I have ever cried so much or so easily as I have these past several months. When my teammates look at me with love, put a hand on my knee, and let me cry, I am reminded of how my tears allow me to let other people into my pain. They have reminded me of what truly breaks my heart and what breaks the Father’s heart as well. Usually if something brings me to tears, it’s in those moments I am reminded of what’s worth fighting for.
I am thankful for goodbyes. Even though I dread saying goodbye every month, I am reminded that a hard goodbye means a worthwhile relationship was made. And so I count myself blessed for the countless relationships I have been privileged to make in these 6 different countries.
I am thankful for sleeping on a hard floor. For eating rice every day. And for days when I feel like I have no more liquid in my body to sweat out. Because realistically, who grows when they are comfortable all the time?
I am thankful for the really difficult days with my team. For the days when they make me want to scream and when they frustrate me so much I want to cry. For the 2 hour team times that start with arguing but end in laughing. Because never in my life have I learned so much about loving and being loved than being on a team. Never have I learned so much about what being the Body of Christ really means.
I am thankful for being plopped in the most random of cities and wondering, “What the HECK am I going to do here for a full month?” I am thankful for the these times when the biggest, strangest cities have become like home to me because of sweet friends, that were once strangers on the street, made the city feel that way.
I am thankful for the Sunday mornings spent worshiping in the tiniest outdoor church in the sweltering heat. When maybe I can’t even understand fully what the pastor is saying and I can feel the sweat running down my face. But more than that I can feel the love of God and see the most beautiful of hearts worshiping our God, though they might not have much. Also, a random bird just knocked over the offering plate and now I have the giggles (true story).
I am thankful for the longest travel days of my life and 20 hour bus rides in the sweltering heat.
For times when I want to crawl in a hole and be introverted, but really I am surrounded by 43 absolutely incredible people.
I am thankful for all of the nights I have been locked into a compound because it has given me a chance to experience real connection.
Because I am truly living out my dream. I am going with the Lord to some of the most beautiful places on the planet and loving His people. I will never lose sight of that or lose thankfulness.
The RACE is hard. It really is. If I just wanted to travel, I’d never in a million years choose to do this! Sometimes it sucks. It’s pretty much always hot. And you know at one point being with 43 other people makes you want to scream.
But dang, I am so thankful for it all. Because I know God is shaping me and I know He’s not through. And I want more of Him more than anything. And there is nothing better than loving His people.
I think I needed to write this blog to remind me of all that. Thanks for reading! On I go!
<3 Marisa
