Let me paint you a few pictures.
You’re sitting in a local coffee shop trying to read your Bible when all of a sudden, “POP! POP! BANG! BANG!” You practically jump out of your seat before you realize what just happened. No it’s not a bomb. It’s just the sound of homemade fireworks going off on the street below you in the parade that’s happening, even though it sounds like they’re an arm’s length away. It takes ten minutes for your heart to stop beating so fast. You’re definitely not in Kansas (Florida) anymore. And you’re not hanging out in the quiet little Starbucks you’re used to either…
You sleep on the floor of a room with 11 of your squad mates, where sleeping pads, toiletry bags, tennis shoes, and jars of peanut butter are strewn about the room. Now, don’t get me wrong, you love your teammates. But where do you go when it’s 40 degrees outside and you need some alone time? You have to get creative, I’ll just say that.
And one night you’re sitting in this said room with several other girls when all of the sudden the ground starts shaking, along with your sleeping pad and everything else in the room. It lasts for several seconds as you and your teammates just stare at each other holding on to your pads. Yup, just your typical Central America earthquake, which you definitely have NOT gotten used to. When you don’t hear any commotion from the locals next door, you decide it’s okay to go to sleep, but you wake up every hour wondering if the ground is shaking again.
Or how about the simple fact that you have no idea where you’re going the next month or who you’ll be with?! All you know is that you’ll be on a different continent. Has your anxiety level gone up yet?
Even now in this very moment, Donald Trump is being inaugurated. My initial response is pure anxiety. Whether or not it’s valid, that’s honestly my response (vulnerability here, people).
Abandonment. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot here on the Race. It’s something they say we’ll all experience as we leave behind the comforts of home, the things we are used to running to in uncomfortable moments, that make us feel in control, and we will learn what it’s like to depend on the Lord in new ways as we create this space for Him in our lives. For me it’s always kind of been this abstract term that I never really knew…
Until recently.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love adventure. I really do. But one thing I’m realizing is I like PLANNED adventure. And I like to KNOW things. I guess it’s safe to say I like control. And some things about this month have just been harder than usual for me.
For some reason, being so far away from home has brought out a lot of fears in me. It’s easy for my mind to start spiraling, thinking about all the bad things that could happen. It would be easy for me to sit in the sorrow of who is becoming my President this very moment. For me to think of all the things that could go wrong when I’m not home, as if I could somehow stop them from happening anyway. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with grieving things that are occurring in this world that are just wrong. But in reality, these fears are not based on the truth that I know to be true.
Because the truth that I know, but that I so quickly forget, is that:
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”…He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you…For he will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways…“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him…” Psalm 91:1-16
Fear and anxiety are two of the Enemy’s biggest weapons against us as followers of Jesus. I know it to be true on a personal level.
But if under the wings of the Almighty I am invited to find refuge, what can I fear? Not only can I find refuge in the all-powerful God of the universe, but I can find refuge in the God who loves me with a deep, unconditional love.
Since being on the Race, I have realized that I come from a life of seemingly being in control, of for the most part being able to carefully plan my steps and to anticipate what’s next. A life full of choices that I could make for myself. Because let’s be honest: Since I was little, I chose my electives in school and I could dress and look how I wanted. Not only did I get to go to a university after high school, but I got to CHOOSE between 2 great universities. I chose what career path I would study, out of hundreds of options, and then I could even decide to get my Master’s. After college, I had several options of jobs I could take. Because of the opportunity to make choices for myself, I am sitting here in Guatemala this very moment.
I am extremely aware of the Lord’s provision in my life and the incredible amount of opportunity he has afforded me. One of my greatest prayers is that I will make the most of every opportunity given me, whether it is money or an education, to love God and his people.
Because, friends, I am also extremely aware that most of the world does not get so many “choices” and have very little “control” over their lives. These people I have lived with for the past 4 months are often at the hands of a corrupt government and of police officers they cannot count on. They may not get the luxury of going to school past 6th grade and definitely not the luxury of choosing from a wide variety of occupations. Their voice is not heard in government like ours is. What I’m experiencing now is just a small little taste of what I think they experience all their lives.
But the friends that I have made here in Central America who know Jesus rely on Him on a way that I cannot say I have had to do.
I remember a specific incident in Nicaragua that occurred after we experienced an earthquake. I found out we were under a tsunami warning (one of my biggest fears FYI). My first response was a bit of panic. What did I need to do? Where should we go? What information could I get my hands on? I ran to the kitchen to talk to some of the ladies that were making us food. They were honestly so calm, it kind of made me want to panic more. But their response was so simple. “Just pray” was all they said.
Just pray. Because what option are you left with when you can’t do anything else? It’s how I want to live my life. I want to abandon more, not because being a minimalist hippie is cool, but because I want to run to God before I run to my news feed or a comforting piece of chocolate. I want to fill my mind with truth so that when the Enemy’s schemes come flying my way, I don’t have to fear. Because the truth is, like the rest of the world, I am not in control. But I’m learning, slowly but surely, what a beautiful thing that is. Because I know the One who is.
-Marisa
