Kalamazoo, Michigan to Gainesville, Georgia
I cried.
A lot.
Despite my resolve to keep my eyes dry so I could focus on the icy roads, I could not hold back the tears. My own words were ringing in my ears, “I rarely cry at goodbyes…”
But this…this was more than a cry. This was grieving.
Why now? I’ve left Kalamazoo, Michigan several times in the past two years. I’ve said so many hi/goodbyes that I’ve lost count.
But count is exactly what the Lord was asking me to do on that cold drive. He was asking me to count the cost once again. I have already made the choice to physically leave my family and friends, but what he was asking of me this time was a different kind of “leave”.
If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters-yes, even their own life-such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26-27
Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
Forget your people and your father’s house.
Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
Psalm 45:10-11
He is asking me to lean into him more than ever before and, to be honest, it feels extreme. It feels like ripping a part of myself off. This is a “yes” that I am truly having to wrestle for, because it doesn’t feel natural. But I serve an extreme Jesus, and what he requires of me is extreme by the world’s understanding. How many followers walked away when he told them what the cost of following him would be?
God is asking for that place in my heart that is reserved for relationships I rely on and allow to define me. He requires even that place. And I love him, so with courage I wrestle to give him even that part of my heart.
This is my next yes.
